Category: blondes

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.

He started chasing after the speeder .

When he got close he’s saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.

The cop yelled, “Pull over!”

The blonde shouted back, “No! It’s a sweater!”

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?A: 144 blondes.

A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers, “Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We’ll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.” Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he turned to his co-pilot, yawned, and said, “Why don’t you take over for a while? I’m going to take me a big healthy shit, and then I’m gonna shag the brains outta that new blonde flight attendant.”His announcement went over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant heard this and exclaimed, “Oh my God!” and started running towards the cockpit.An old lady sitting in an aisle seat stopped her and said, “Relax honey, he’s gotta take a shit first.”

A blonde a brunette and a redhead were all on a deserted island. The three come across a lamp. The brunette give the lamp a rub and out comes a genie. He tells the girls they have three wishes. The brunette decides to go first…she missed her family so she wishes to return home. POOF the brunette disappears. Next the redhead decides she also misses her family and wishes to return home. POOF the redhead disappears. The genie looks at the blonde and she bursts out in tears….. i wish my friends were here. POOF………..

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting,

“BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..”

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “BE SILENT!”

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.

She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,

“OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”

A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex.

To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his “tool of the trade”. But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost. Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost. The week after she prayed to god, and she lost. She said to god, why wont you let me win? God replied, How about buying a ticket first?

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and, of course, the machine keeps feeding out drinks.Another woman walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, ‘Can’t you see I’m winning?’

Why was the blonde late for work?

Because the stop sign never said go.

There was a blonde and she wanted to buy a TV and so she went to a store to buy a TV. She goes in the store and looks around and finds a TV she really likes.

She goes up to the man at the cash register and says “Hey can I buy this TV?”

The guy says “No, I don’t sell any thing to blondes!”

Sad, she leaves the store but then as she is passing a salon she has a good idea ( for once) she thought “I am gonna dye my hair.”

The next day she comes in the store with black hair she finds the TV and says “Hello. can I buy this TV?”

“No, I don’t sell to blondes”

Well, this dyeing her hair a different color goes on and on at last she dyes she hair blue, comes in and says “Can I get a TV?”

“No, I don’t sell to blondes.” he said for the 6th time.

“But how do you know I am a blonde?”

“Because miss that isn’t a TV, it is a microwave.”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis

There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that was hanging down a cliff. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should let go because if they didn�t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette thought to herself �I�ll let go.�
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would let go, all of the blondes started clapping.