Category: blondes

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she cried, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, ‘Do Not Disturb!'”

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde, of course?) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. “My floppy drive won’t work, can you help me ?” she asked.

I told her I’d take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5″ floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.

“Oh, you mean the condom!”, she said.

“Condom???”, I asked.

“Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses.”

By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The “condom” turned out to be a standard 3.5″ plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn’t do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be):

“Does that mean I don’t have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either???”

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head where driving down the road, when a cop starts to chase them.

They rush off and crash into the side of a barn, they immediately jump out of the car and hide under potatoe sacks.

The cop runs in after them, and the first potatoe sack he comes to the brunette is under. He kicks it and the brunette says, “MEEEEOOOOOOW”, and the cop says, “Oh! It’s just a stupid cat.”

He then moves to the potatoe sack the red-head is under and kicks it. The red-head replies, “ROOF, ROOF”, the cop, angry now, says, “STUPID DOG!!”

Then the cop gets to the potatoe sack the blonde is under, he kicks it with great force and the blonde creams, “POOOOOOTAAAAAAATOOOOOOOE!”

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were in a swim race.
The blonde got to 3 quarters of the way to the end and then
decided she was reay tired so she swam all the way back to the
start.

A Blonde goes and buys a new house and names it Hairy Butt.Of course she had a son named Crack.Well one day the blonde couldn`t find her son so she called the police and said I looked all over my Hairy Butt and couldn`t find my Crack.

Q: Why did the blonde have a bruise around her belly button?

A: Turns out guy blondes are just as stupid.

How do you drown a blonde??

You put a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool!!

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers, “Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We’ll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.” Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he turned to his co-pilot, yawned, and said, “Why don’t you take over for a while? I’m going to take me a big healthy shit, and then I’m gonna shag the brains outta that new blonde flight attendant.”His announcement went over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant heard this and exclaimed, “Oh my God!” and started running towards the cockpit.An old lady sitting in an aisle seat stopped her and said, “Relax honey, he’s gotta take a shit first.”