Category: blondes

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Three blondes died together in an automobile accident on Easter Sunday. As they line up at the Pearly Gates of heaven, St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.St. Peter asks the first blonde, ‘What is Easter?’ The blonde replies, ‘Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…”Wrong!,’ replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, ‘What is Easter?’The second blonde replies, ‘Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.’St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, ‘What is Easter?’The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, ‘I know what Easter is.”Oh really?’ says St. Peter, incredulously.’Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.’St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.The third blonde continues, ‘Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out…and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.’

Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?A: She was last years hide and seek winner.

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, the bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate.

What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

One night a blonde was driveing in her car and saw a stranger on the road. She stoped and asked if she could help. The dark stranger replied to her “Yes you can get out of your car and stand in the box I have drawn on the road and dont move from it.” so she did. He told her that if she moved there would be dier consequinces. So he turned from her. All of a sudden she started laughing. He turned to her quickly. Then knocked out her windows and replied “I told you so.” then turned agian. Not one minute after he turned she was laughing agian. So he riped out the seat cloth and replied “I told you so” then turned agian. all of a sudden she begain to laugh agian. he quickly turned to her then blew up her car and replied “I told you so” then turned once more. she then laughed agian. He turned to her frustratedly and asked “Why are you laughing, I just blew up your car?” then she said “I steped out of the box while you wasnt looking.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Run! She’s got a grenade in her mouth!

A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says “Well ma’am, I can’t cut your hair with those head-phones on. You’re going to have to take them off.”

She shakes her head vigorously and replies “No, if I take them off, I will die.” He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.

All he heard was “Breathe in, breathe out, breath in.”

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tanyilazing

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.” After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.”

There was three blondes stuck on an island when they found a lamp witch they rubbed and they each got three wishes.

The first blonde says,”i wish i was 10% smarter so i can swim off the island.” so she turned into a brunette and swam off the island.

the 2nd blonde wishes she was 25% smarter so she turned into a red head and swam off the island

the 3rd blonde wishes she was 50% smarter…So she turned into a man and walked across the bridge

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.

“Ma’am, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road?”
The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!
I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.
I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me.
I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!”

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, –
“Ma’am… that’s your air freshener!”

a.How duse a blond tern on the light after having sex? b.Kick open the car door.