Category: blondes

How does a psychic refer to a blonde?

Light reading.

Q: where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: the vegetable garden.

Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?

Because they keep breaking them with the hammer.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

a blonde a brunete and a redhead rob a bank, there is an alley next 2 it w/ 3 empty potatoe sacks they all get in one b/c the police ar after them. the brunete is in teh first sack and teh police kick it and she goes meow! and teh police go oh its just a stupid cat and teh move on 2 the next sack where teh red head is tehy kick the bag and she goes ruff ruff and teh police say oh its just a stupid dog and move on. tehy come 2 the sack with teh blonde, they kick it and she goes PO-TA-TOE!

Three girls are stuck on a mountain,blonde,red-head, and a brown-haired girl. They all have a dream about a genie. The genie says”The next thing you say, you will become.” So the red-head says “Fish” and swims away in the shallow stream. The brown-hairedgirl says “Bird” and flys away.The blonde trips over a rock and says “crap” and turns into a pile of poo!

What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?

Once you get them on their back,They’re done for!

There was a blonde driving in a car and suddenly a tree popped up in front of her,so she swerved then another tree popped up infront of her right in the middle of the road so she swerved again and she kept swerving and dodging the trees untill she stopped.
When a cop came and asked her what happened she told him all about the trees and he looked at her and laughed and he said that it was the little tree decoration hanging from the review mirror

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table rupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautiful child’s puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?”
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
The side of the box said 2 – 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!”

A blonde and a man were in an elevator. The blonde sighs and says T G I F.the man says S H I T. Confused the blonde says let mee explain thank god its friday. Then also confused the man says now its my turn to explain sorry honey its thursday!

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it’s back, and frustrated, shouts out, “This one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A policeman approaches her and says, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”

She says, “Why, officer?”

“Because your breast is hanging out,” he says.

She looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!”

Submitted by Sherri
Edited by Yisman

A blonde gets into her car, immediately grabs her cell phone and
calls 911.

911: What’s the problem?

Blonde: I just got in my car and I noticed that someone has
stolen the dash board, the steering wheel, the pedals,
everything.

911: Ok, someone will be there in a second.

The blonde hangs up and gets back into her car. A few seconds
later, she calls 911 again.

911, (realizing that that person has called seconds before): Yes?

Blonde, (laughing): Never mind, I was in the backseat!!