Category: blondes

What’s the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?

A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

edJoe took his blonde blind date to a seaside carnival. ‘What would you like to do first, Kim?’ asked Joe.’I want to get weighed,’ she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser, who guessed 70 kg. Kim got on the scale and it read 67 kg and she won a prize. .Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over,Joe again asked Kim what she wanted to do next. ‘I want to get weighed,’ she said. Back to the weight guesser they went and because she’d been there before the man guessed Kim’s correct weight and Joe lost his dollar.Kim and Joe walked around the carnival and again he asked, ‘Where to next?’ Kim responded: ‘I want to get weighed,’ but by this time Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.Her flatmate, Laura, asked Kim about her blind date, ‘How’d it go?’ she asked.Kim said, ‘Oh, Waura, it was wousy.’

Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores? Open 24 hours a day.

a brunette was jogging down the street saying “66,66,66” etc. a blonde comes up behind her asking her “why are you saying 66.”
The bruette says “It helps me jog better.”
So, the blonde goes across the street and starts saying “66,66” etc. The brunette yells “Its alot easier if you do it in the street.”
So, the blonde goes in the middle of the street saying “66” all of a sudden a truck comes up and hits her.
The brunette keeps jogging down the road saying “67,67,67”

A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he
entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
reciting the letters, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, Puzzled, and said
“T-G-I-F” again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”The blonde was trying
to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as
possible, “T-G-I-F” another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a Quizzical expression,
“S-H-I-T.”
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, “T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness it�s Friday, get it?”

The man answered,”S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, its Thursday.”

Top 5 Blond Inventions:

5. Water proof tea bag
4. Water proof towel
3. A new item at an antique store
2. Discount price to a free show
1. A book on how to read

There were three Blondes on a tiny Island. They all wanted to get off the Island but none of them knew how. So one day a genie came along and granted each one a wish.

The first one wished to become intelligent enough to get off the Island. So the genie turned her into a redhead and she swam off.

The next one said: “That’s cool, I want to get more intelligent than her. “The genie turned her into a Brunette and she built a boat and sailed off.

The third Blonde was really impressed and wanted to become even more intelligent. So the genie turned her into a man, who used the bridge.

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are – very slowly?”

The manager leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing.”

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don’t tell her to swallow.

Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke.
The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns
and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding
out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her
antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else
could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: “Can’t you
see I’m winning.”

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, “Why?”

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and “can you handle it?”

The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss’s positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks;

“How much for the white dildo?”

He answers, “$35.”

She, “How much for the black one?”

He, “$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one.”

She, “I think I’ll take the black one. I’ve never had a black one before.” She pays him, and off she goes.

A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks;

“How much for the black dildo?”

He, “$35.”

She, “How much for the white one?”

He, “$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one.”

She, “I think I’ll take the white one. I’ve never had a white one before.” She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, “How much are your dildos?” He, “$35 for the white, $35 for the black.”

She, How much is that plaid one on the shelf?”

He, “Well, that’s a very special dildo it’ll cost you $165.”

She thinks for a moment and answers, “I’ll take the plaid one, I’ve never had a plaid one before.” She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy’s boss returns and asks, “How did you do while I was gone?” To which the saleman responded, “I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!”