Category: blondes

A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the “upturn”.

“I think you mean the ‘intern,’ don’t you?” asked the nurse on duty.

“Yes,” said the girl. “I want to have a ‘contamination.'”

“You mean ‘examination,'” the nurse corrected her.

“Well I want to go to the ‘fraternity ward’, anyway.”

“I’m sure you mean the maternity ward.”

To which the girl replied, “Upturn, intern; contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity….what’s the difference? All I know is I haven’t demonstrated in two months and I think I’m stagnant.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

“Did you hear what happened?” Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work.

“Hear what” I asked, my curiosity peaked.

“The regional vice president died this morning!”

“What?!” I asked, totally stunned. “What happened?”

“He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack” Jim began explaining. “Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one.”

“Boy do I. She’s that young blonde babe.” “Yeah that’s the one. Turns out she isn’t too smart, though.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“He kept yelling at her to ‘call 9 1 1’. She just stood there waiting for him to give her the rest of the phone number.”

Q: whats the difference between a blonde and a brickA: after you lay a brick it doesn’t follow you

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? An airbag.

She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to
death.

A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.

“Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!”

Ground control receive her call for help and answers back:

“Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position”

“I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front”

I’m not saying that my wife is a bad driver, but whenever she tells me that she “ran into… (this person or that one)” at the Mall, I always wait apprehensibly for her to finish her story to see if she meant figuratively speaking or literally.

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it….Cop : “Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?”Blonde : “Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65.”Cop : “Oh miss, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!”Blonde : “Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on.”At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.Cop : “Excuse me miss, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something awful.”Blonde : “Oh… We just got off of highway 119”.

A blonde just bought a new $80,000 sports car. She was driving it for the first time when a very large truck driver motions for her to pull over.

A little afraid, she does as shes told. The truck driver draws a white circle with chalk and tells the blonde to get out of her car and stand in the circle and dont move.

She does as shes told, and the truck driver gets out a knife and starts cutting her leather seats.

She starts laughing. The truck driver asks, “Why are you laughing?”

She just kept laughing, so the truck driver starts pouring gas all over her seats.

The blonde starts cracking up, and he asks, “Why are you laughing?”

She just kept laughing,so the truck driver pulled out his knife again and pops all her tires, she starts laughing histarically. He asks, “Why are you laughing?” She answers, ” Well, when you werent looking I stepped out of the circle three times…”

One day a blond is getting back from the stor and as she pulls into the drive way she heres aload BANG!and fells somthing hit her head she reach’s back and feels somthing soft and mushey in alarm she grabs here head thinking that she had been shot and that that was her brain. as somone gos by they notice her yelling for an ambulance so the man runs and calls an ambulance. when the paramedecs pry her hands from her head they find her cluthching a pice of dough!

After espying a beautiful blond walking by a man says to God, “God, why
did you make blondes so beautiful?”

God responded, “So you would love her.”

“But God”, The man replied, “Why did you make her so dumb?”

God replies, “So she would love you.”

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decided to rob a bank one day. After doing this the cops were right on their tails. The redhead sees a boat and says to the others ” hey lets hop in this boat and go to that island out there!” The others agree.
When they reach the island they see the cops doing the same and heading for the island. The blonde sees some crates and gets in one. The other do the same. The cops reach the island and go up to the crates. they knock on the first which was were the brunette was “woof woof” says the brunette. just a dog say the cops. they move on. the second contained the redhead when they knock they hear “meow meow”. just a cat say the cops. they move on. the third of coarse contained the blonde. they knock and the blonde shouts POTATOES!!!!!!