Category: blondes

One day there were three men(a red, a brunette, and a blonde
head) They were traveling on buisness when there plane crashed.
All they could see was a farm house. They all went up to the
farmer and asked if they could stay at his house. The farmer
replied, “only if you can stick 100 of any fruit up your ass.”
So they agreed. The first man, the red head, went first. He went
for the blueberries because they were the smallest.

“Remember” ,said the farmer, “You have to do it silently. No
crying, laughing, or talking.”

The red head got 50 Blueberries in his asshole but started
to cry. The farmer shot him because he didn’t want the man
hanging around.

The same routine happened agian, but, this time the brown
head went for the next smallest fruit, strawberries. He got 99 n
but started to laugh. The farmer shot him.

In heaven the red head asked th other man,” you had 99.
Why’d ya laugh?”

“I saw the blonde guy go for the watermelons”,said the brown
head.

A blonde was walking along the beach when she finds an old bottle floating in the water. The blonde goes over and picks it up and notices a cork in the top of the bottle. She pulls out the cork and a genie pops out.
“Thankyou for letting me out after 10000 years, stuck in that bottle and to say thankyou I will give you 3 wishes.
The blonde thinks for a little while and finally decides on her first wish.
“I would like to be 10% smarter”
The genie does her magic and she is turned into a red head.
“I don’t think I am smart enough yet, I would like to be 100% smarter than what I am”
So the Genie does her magic a second time and she turns in to a brunette.
“I don’t think I am smart enough yet I would like to be 1000% smarter than what I am”
So the genie turns her into a man!

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her
first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight
attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he
noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the
hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone,
crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!” “You can’t get out of your
room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?” She replied, “There are only three doors
in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a
sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender for some drinks:

Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”

Bartender: “What is a B and C?”

Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”

Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”

Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”

Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”

Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”

Bartender: “What’s a 15?”

Blonde: “7 and 7.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

what did the blond say when she opened up a box of Cherrios?

A: Wow! Look..doughnut seeds!

Why can’t you tell blondes, knock-knock jokes?

Because they keep walking off to answer the door.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman and Calmjo

What did the blonde chick’s left leg say to her right leg?Long time, no see!

What’s the mating call of the blonde?

“I’m sooo drunk!”

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

(Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”

what does blondes and bricks have in common?
they are both dirty and get laid by mexicans

A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can’t afford to buy a ticket to go home.

The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her.
“I’ll hide you away on my ship on one condition.
You have to have sex with me when I ask.”

She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he’ll bring her food and water and she’ll just have to stay hidden because she’ll be in big trouble if she’s caught.

So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night.

Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells “STOWAWAY!”

Scared she explains: “Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take me home to Poland, and is having sex with me for payment!”

“No kidding? Lady… this is the Staten Island Ferry!”

Why is it easier to maake a snowman with black hair than a snowman with blonde hair?

Because you have to hollow out a blonde snowmans head!

A very well-built young blond was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.”The shrink thought for a moment and said… “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?” The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says… “Well go ahead, I’ll give it a try!”