yo mamma is so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning
Author: admin
Get it Straight
A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, “Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!”
When you leave your house,
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.You have a house that’s mobile and five cars that aren’t.You gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end.”
Imaginative lovers
Most sophisticated women realize that any man who knows more than three
lovemaking positions have to be rated an imaginative lover.
Protestant to Catholic conversion.
A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.
They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:
You were born Protestant.
You were raised Protestant.
But now you are Catholic!
And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying:
You were born a cow.
You were raised a cow.
But now you are fish!
Impaired vision
A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”
“Hmmm…that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher. “Would you mind if I had a look at it?”
So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
What are the difference George Bush and a chimpanz
What are the difference George Bush and a chimpanzee? One has nearly the
mental abilities of a human child and the other likes to eat bananas.
Crazy Blondes
Q. What do you call a Blonde with pig tails?
A. A blowjob with handlebars.
Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Aliens
On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.
That clears up a lot of things.
Being old…
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments.”My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.””Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t see to pour the coffee.””I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.””My blood pressure pills make my dizzy.””I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old.””Well, it’s not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!”
There is a big controversy
There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins.
Catholics believe that life begins at conception.
Some religions believe that life begins at birth.
In the Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered a viable human being
until after graduation from medical school
Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?…
Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
– To find a tight seal!