Author: admin

Protestant to Catholic conversion.

Posted on by admin

A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.

They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:
You were born Protestant.
You were raised Protestant.
But now you are Catholic!

And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying:
You were born a cow.
You were raised a cow.
But now you are fish!

Being old…

Posted on by admin

A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments.”My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.””Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t see to pour the coffee.””I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.””My blood pressure pills make my dizzy.””I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old.””Well, it’s not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!”

Four Kids

Posted on by admin

There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble.

Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station.

Officer: What’s your name? Shut Up: Shut Up.

Officer: What’s your name? Shut Up: Shut Up.

Officer: For the last time, WHAT’S YOUR NAME?! Shut Up: Shut Up!

Officer: Are you looking for Trouble? Shut Up: Ya, we lost him about 2 miles back.

Officer: Where’s your Manners? Shut Up: Back there pickin’ up Poop.

All You Can Drink

Posted on by admin

A man walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes and orders another. He gulps down that one, looks in his pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half. Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, “I know it’s none of my business buddy, but I have to ask. Why the whole “drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one” routine?””Well,” slurred the man, “There’s a picture of my wife in my pocket. When she starts to look good, then it’s time for me to go home.”

Snowstorm

Posted on by admin

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blond got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. That made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problems with the blizzard conditions. After quite sometime had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll her window down.

The driver wanted to know if she was alright as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver said that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to K-mart next.

Impaired vision

Posted on by admin

A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, “When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can’t see a thing.”

“Hmmm…that’s an interesting optical reaction to sex,” said the researcher. “Would you mind if I had a look at it?”

So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

During a propaganda tour

Posted on by admin

During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his
Politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands Up and
tells him “Mr. President, I got 3 questions:”

1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you Still
won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist
attack of all times?

Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the
room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey
stands up and tells him “Mr. President, I got 5 questions:”

1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you Still
won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist
Attack of all times?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. Where’s Bobby?