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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature”.
Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time, and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Un tipo iba por la carretera y ve un cartel que indicaba… m�xima a 80, y el tipo disminuye la velocidad a 80.
Despu�s mira otro cartel, m�xima a 60, y vuelve a disminuir la velocidad a 60, al rato otro que dec�a m�xima a 40, y disminuye a 40.
Va bajando la velocidad hasta que mira un cartel:
“Bienvenidos a M�xima.”
What do you call two black guys on a bike?
Organized crime.
Little Johnny’s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Johnny enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part.
“I play a man who’s been married for twenty years!”, he said cheerfully.
“That’s great, son. Keep up the good work! Before you know it, they’ll give you a speaking part!”
yo mamma is so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink
and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around all over the
place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them,
then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps on the
pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey
just did?”
The guy says, “No what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” Says the
bartender.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats
everything in sight. I will pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He
finishes his drink, pays his bill and leaves.
Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey
with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around
the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey
finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up
his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did
now?” He asks.
“Now what?” Responds the patron.
“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it
out and ate it!” says the barkeep.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still
eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that blasted cue
ball he measures everything first!”
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they’d leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!!Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them. “NO WAY,” she exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday!”
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, “Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?”
The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand”.
“OK” said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?”
“They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert”, the camel mother answers.
“Thanks Mom” replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??”
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.”
“That’s great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but… Mom?”
“Yes son?”
“Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?”
Tres hombres viajan en un tren: un riojano, un valenciano y un turolense.
De pronto, va el riojano y tira 100 o 200 litros de vino.
El turolense le pregunta:
“�Por qu� tiras tanto vino por la ventanilla?”
“Porque en mi tierra hay as� (gesto de muchos)”.
Despu�s, el valenciano tira 100 o 200 kilos de naranjas.
El turolense le pregunta:
“�Por qu� tiras tantas naranjas por la ventanilla?”
“Porque en mi tierra hay as�”.
Entonces, va el turolense y tira al valenciano por la ventanilla.
Y le dice el riojano:
“�Por qu� lo has tirado?”
“Porque en mi tierra hay as�”.
A man comes to an Italian doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his genitals in the window.
“What does this have to do with my throat?”
“Nothing, I just hate the neighbors!”
En una fiesta, un catador de bebidas lleva varias horas impresionando a su p�blico. De pronto, un aguafiestas, despu�s de haber regresado de la gasolinera con una botella, le dice al catador:
“�Puedes decirme qu� bebida es esta?”
El catador d�ndole un trago y haciendo un gesto de repugnancia, contesta:
“�Co�o, esto es gasolina!”
“Ya lo s�, �pero es con plomo o sin plomo?”
What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.
What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.
What’s a brunette’s mating call?
“Has the blonde left yet?”
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation
What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage