Generous Donation

An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi’s office and is offered a seat.”Rabbi, A member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutzberg, states on his tax return that he has donated $100,000 to the synagogue. Tell me, Rabbi, is this correct?””Yes,” The Rabbi replies “As soon as I see him it will be.”

Actual Q’s and A’s on Family Fued

Q: Something in the garden thats green?
A: A shed.

Q: Something that flies that doesnt have an engine?
A: A bicycle with wings.

Q: Something you could be allergic to?
A: Skiing.

Q: Name a famous brige?
A: The bridge over troubled water.

Q: Something a cat does?
A: Goes to the bathroom.

Q: Something you can do in the bathroom?
A: Decorate.

Q: Name an animal you might see at the zoo?
A: A dog.

Q: Something associated with cops?
A: Pigs.

Q: A sign of the zodiac?
A: April.

Q: Something slippery?
A: A con man.

Q: A kind of ache?
A: Fillet ‘O’ fish.

Q: A food that could be brown or white?
A: Potato.

Q: A potato topping?
A: Jam.

Q: Something with a hole in it?
A: A window.

Q: Non-living creature with legs?
A: Plant.

Q: A domestic animal?
A: Leopard.

Q: Part of the body that starts with “N”?
A: Knee.

Q: A way of cooking fish?
A: Cod.

Q: Something you open other than the door?
A: Your bowels.

Q: Name something a blind person might use?
A: A sword.

Q: Name a song with moon in the title?
A: Blue suade moon.

Q: Name a bird with a long neck?
A: Naomi Campell.

Q: Name a occupation that you might need a torch?
A: A burgler.

Q: Name a famous brother and sister?
A: Bonnie and clyde.

Q: Name a dangerous race?
A: The arabs.

Q: Name a item or clothing worn by the tree musketeers?
A: Horse.

Q: Name something that floats in the bath?
A: Water.

Q: Name something you wear at the beach?
A: A deck chair.

Q: Name something thats red?
A: A cardigan.

Q: Name a famous cowboy?
A: Buck rogers.

Q: Something you do before going to bed?
A: Sleep.

Q: Something you put on the walls?
A: Roofs.

and the best ever screw up on family fued is………

Q: Name a number you have to memorize?
A: 7.

Who let these people on the show??

Son’s Prayers

One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers “God
bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa.”

Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or
two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again “God
bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy.”

The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks
later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. “God
Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy.”

This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say
anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would
miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he
got home he apologized to his wife. “I am sorry Honey. I had a
very bad day at work today.” “You think you’ve had a bad day?
YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?”, the wife yelled, “The mailman
dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!”

The Marv Albert Song

Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear
(to be sung to “Walkin’ in a Winter Wonderland”)

Lacy things – the wife is missin,
Didn’t ask – her permission,
I’m wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.

In the store – there’s a teddy,
Little straps – like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.

In the office there’s a guy named Marvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you ready?” I’ll say, “Whoa, Man!”
“Let’s wait until our wives are out of town!”

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress – like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear!