Author: admin

Un mexicano fan�tico del equipo de futbol Am�rica estaba sentado en la sala de su casa viendo el partido final de la temporada en el que jugaba su equipo favorito contra las Chivas de Guadalajara. De pronto entra su esposa, rezongando y gru�endo, y se para justo entre la televisi�n y su marido. En ese preciso momento, el delantero central del Am�rica iba lanzar un “penaltie” definitivo.

“�Manuel!”, grita ella. “Me parece que quieres m�s al Am�rica que a m�.”

“�Sabes qu�?, responde �l, fuera de s�. “�En este momento quiero m�s a las Chivas que a t�!”

En un parque hay dos estatuas, una de un hombre desnudo y otra de una mujer tambi�n desnuda. Las estatuas han estado all�, una frente a la otra, durante mas de cien a�os. Un d�a un �ngel baja del cielo. Con un simple gesto les da vida a las dos estatuas y les dice:

“Como recompensa por haber sido tan pacientes durante tantos a�os, habiendo tenido que soportar lluvias, tempestades y veranos ardientes, les concedo vida durante media hora para que hagan lo que se les ocurra.”

El hombre y la mujer se miran y al instante ambos se van corriendo detr�s de unos arbustos.

El �ngel espera pacientemente mirando hacia los arbustos, los cuales se mueven agitadamente, mientras se escuchan risitas y otros sonidos. A los quince minutos regresan visiblemente cansados… pero muy contentos. El �ngel, conmovido, le dice:

“Les concedo quince minutos m�s. �Quieren volver a repetir lo que hicieron?”

“�Tu que opinas, mujer?”

“�Claro… por supuesto! �Vamos ya, pero cambiemos de posici�n! Esta vez tu sujetas a la paloma firmemente… �y yo le cago encima!”

If your father didn’t cut holes in your pockets at Christmas,
you wouldn’t have anything to play with.

People from the church would run over animals in front of your
house to help with food.

Beggars give you money.

You don’t have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of.

When you asked your mom what’s for dinner she opened her legs
and said spaghetti!

Someone saw you kicking a can down the street, and when asked
what they were doing you said, “moving”.

You have too jack off your dog too feed your cat

If they had 10 cent boat rides down the river, all you could do
is run down the bank hollering “That’s real cheap!”

You can’t afford to pay attention

A guy walked into your house, stepped on a cigarette and your
mom yelled, “Who turned off the heat?”

Your parents got married for the rice.

I saw your mom walking down the street with one shoe, I said,
“Hey, you lost a shoe.” she said, “No, I found one.”

When you asked what was for dinner your mom put her foot on the
table and said corn.

You live in a 2 story cracker jack box.

Someone rang your doorbell and you had to yell “Ding Dong!” out
the window.

When someone asks where the bathroom is, your mom says “pick a
corner… any corner.”

You have to fart to get a scent (cent).

You’re so poor your mother couldn’t afford to have you…the
lady next door had you.

You go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers.

You buy an imitation of a fake Rolex.

Burglars bring things to you.

These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, “Those ones were pointed on the wrong end.” The buddy gets exasperated and says “You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!”

Escopeta de carquiz,
tiras pero no matas,
porque apuntas a las patas
y pegas en la nar�z.

�Qu� es?

El pedo.

1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what
management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you
don’t care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to
work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are
wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn’t so embarrassing.

16. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax
at the bar.

17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they’ve had a
couple of drinks.

19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their
lunch break.

20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.

22. The janitor’s closet will finally have a use.

23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
“gross,”

25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.