Author: admin

NOTICE:PLEASE NOTICE!!!!!You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. And, we have noticed that some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable.It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. Therefore, this notice is to remind you to notice the notices and to respond to the notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.From the Notice Committee for Noticing Notices

Four guys, a black guy, a white guy, an Asian, and a Native
American, were standing on a cliff making religious sacrifices.

“I do this for my people!” shouts the black guy. And he jumps
off the cliff.

“I do this for my people!” shouts the Asian guy. And he jumps
off the cliff.

“I do this for my people!” shouts the Native American guy. And
he pushes the white guy off the cliff.

An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life.

The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.

Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks:
“I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother’s strudel.”
“No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now.”
“I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?” the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.

One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man’s last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. “Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother’s delicious strudel?” the old man plaintively queries?

“I’m very sorry,grandfather, she says you can’t have any, it’s for the funeral!”

If you’re feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it…

Dance naked in front of your pets.

Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed at the pub too long.)

Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. (Always have a witness on hand, just in case you attempt the Guiness World Record)

Tattoo “out to lunch” on your forehead.

Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

Find out what a frog in a blender “really” looks like. (Hamster in the microwave works well too.)

Sit naked on a shelled hard boiled egg. (“Don’t knock it until you try it!”)

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Make up a language and ask people for directions. (Works great at 7-11’s!)

Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper. (KIDS: make sure you make a nice note titled – For Daddy, I love you.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ NOTES and DISCLAIMERS:

If you are less than 18 years of age: always seek your parent’s aproval before attempting any of the above. (Exemption: If the hamster bites you again, nuke him till he glows!)

If you are 18 years of age or older and even think about doing any of these: proceed to the nearest telephone book directory. Look up “clinical psychologist”… drive directly to the first one that accepts “walk-ins!”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Est� un se�or con el psiquiatra y le dice:

Llega a un bar y le dice al bartender:

“Por favor deme tres tequilas.”

El bartender mira atr�s del hombre y ve que no hay mas nadie, le da los tres tequilas y el hombre se los bebe, paga y se va. Al otro d�a el hombre llega al bar y pide nuevamente tres tragos, se los toma y se va. Al d�a siguiente llega y pide nuevamente tres tragos y el bartender le pregunta:

“Caballero �por qu� usted siempre compra tres tragos si usted es uno solo?”

Y el caballero responde:

“Lo que pasa es que yo bebo por mi y por dos hermanos m�os que esta� fuera del pa�s.”

El bartender le da los tragos el hombre los toma y se va. Al d�a siguiente el hombre llega al bar pero esta vez pide dos tragos y dice el bartender:

“Ay, �no me diga que muri� uno de sus hermanos?”

Y el hombre responde:

“No, lo que sucede es que dej� la bebida…”

Imag�nate en los a�os cincuenta, cuando la televisi�n estaba en pa�ales y los d�as tan s�lo eran acompa�ados por el fabuloso aparato de la radio. Una muestra de algunos anuncios comerciales de aquella �poca:

Caballero: H�gasela suave y placenteramente… Su afeitada le proporcionar� un suave placer con la crema de afeitar Mennen.

Se�orita: Si su mam� se mete el dedo y su hermana tambi�n, �no haga usted lo mismo! Use palillos para dientes Ping�ino.

Caballero: �Sabe por qu� a su novia le gusta toc�rselo?
Porque ella sabe que ese disco suena bien en su nuevo equipo Philco.

Se�orita: �No deje que le metan Esso! Cuando mande a lubricar su veh�culo exija Texaco.

Se�ora: Lo que usted siempre quer�a… �Ahora le caben hasta los huevos!
S�, hasta los huevos le caben en su nuevo refrigerador General Electric.

Se�orita: Si su novio llega borracho y se lo pide… �D�selo! S�, dele un par de Alka Seltzer y adi�s a esa borrachera.

Se�ora: �No le entran bien? �Le maltrata la punta? �Le duele mucho atr�s? �Siente desmayarse?
Es porque sus zapatos le quedan chicos. Ll�velos a La Italiana y se los suavizar�n.

Caballero: �Tiene problemas porque se le para constantemente?
Si algo anda mal en su reloj, ll�velo a la Relojer�a Suiza y se lo dejar�n como nuevo.

Se�orita: �Mucho cuidado, no deje que se lo den ni viejo ni fr�o!
Exija que le den del nuevo y calientito pan de la Panader�a Santa M�nica.

Caballero: �Se le ha achicado o encogido?
Usted sufrir� �sto si sus camisas no son confeccionadas con telas de La Parisina.

Se�ora: �Le gusta que su marido lo tenga duro o blando?
No lo piense m�s: pl�nchele el cuello de sus camisas con almid�n El Rey.

Caballero: �Le duele la cabeza al meterlo?
Claro, �sto le pasa por no usar sombreros Ariza.

Se�ora: �V�ngase en cuatro horas!… S�, v�ngase en cuatro horas de Monterrey a Torre�n viajando en los confortables autobuses Estrella Blanca.

Si a usted le gusta tenerlas siempre arriba y que no se le anden cayendo… Use ligueros Leonisa y sus medias lucir�n siempre bien.

Caballero: Si se le para de repente y se le derrama el l�quido, esto es se�al de que su carro necesita buj�as Champion.