La hija de 12 a�os

La hija de 12 a�os se da cuenta de que le hab�a llegado su primera menstruaci�n. Sin saber de qu� se trata, se va corriendo en busca de su madre:

“�Mam�, acomp��ame al ba�o, es urgente!”

Sin darle importancia, la madre no la toma mucho en cuenta:

“Estoy demasiado ocupada, ve donde tu padre”.

La ni�a sale corriendo donde el padre y le repite lo mismo:

“�Pap� acomp��ame urgente al ba�o!”

El padre tampoco le hace caso:

“Esp�rame un momento, porque estoy leyendo el diario”.

La chiquilla, sin otra soluci�n, se va al ba�o. Se levanta la falda y ve sus partes llenas de sangre; en eso, entra al ba�o su hermano de 8 a�os y al ver esta situaci�n corre sorprendido donde su padre:

“�Pap�, pap�, la Mar�a se cort� el pene!”

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are all boasting to each other about
presents they have bought their wives for their birthdays.

The Englishman says “I’ve bought my wife a 24-carot gold ring and a
glove”.

“Why have you got her a glove?” the other two ask.

“Because when she wears the ring in public, I want her to wear the glove
so no-one can nick it off her finger” he replies.

The Scotsman is not impressed and proudly braggs “I’ve got my wife a
diamond necklace and a scarf”.
The other two, slightly confused, ask “What’s the scarf for?”
“So that when she wears it in crowded places, she can put the scarf around
her neck to prevent it being snatched” the Scotsman replies.

The Englishman and Scotsman, both feeling proud at their gifts, were keen
to hear
what the Irishman had bought his wife and invited him to tell them.
“Well, I got her a pair of shoes and a vibrator” he says.

The others, slightly taken aback, ask him why he bought the vibrator, to
which he
replies “Cos if she doesn’t like the shoes she can go screw herself!”

Stand Over There

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, �Do you want to go to heaven?�

The man said, �I do Father.�
The priest said, �Then stand over there against the wall.�

Then the priest asked the second man, �Do you want to go to heaven?�
�Certainly, Father,� was the man�s reply.
�Then stand over there against the wall,� said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O�Toole and said, �Do you want to go to heaven?�
O�Toole said, �No, I don�t Father.�

The priest said, �I don�t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don�t want to go to heaven?�

O�Toole said, �Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.�

Un cubano se encontraba en

Un cubano se encontraba en la calle esperando el cami�n, pero este se hab�a retrasado y era el ultimo de la fila detr�s de una gorda. Cuando el cami�n llega todos trepan pero la gorda se atora en la puerta y el cubano le dice:

“Aligera chica, s�bete a la “huahua”, al ver que segu�a atorada no le queda mas remedio que empujarla de las nalgas. En eso se voltea la gorda indignada y llama a la polic�a, esta llega y pregunta: “que paso aqu�?”, la gorda responde: “este desgraciado negro que me agarr� el trasero” y el negro responde: “estaba esperando la huahua, esta llega, la gorda trepa, se atora y que le agarro el culo…” y el polic�a responde : “no se llama culo, se llama regiones gl�teas” y se llevan al cubano a la estaci�n de polic�a.

Al estar delante el juez �ste le hace la misma pregunta y el cubano responde: “pues nada chico, estaba esperando la huahua, esta llega, la gorda trepa, se atora y que le agarro el culo…” y el juez le replica: “no se llama culo, se llama regiones gl�teas.”

Lo llevan delante de su abogado y le hace la misma pregunta y le da el cubano la misma respuesta que le hab�a dado al polic�a y al juez, y el abogado le dice al cubano: “recuerda que cuando est�s delante del juez no digas culo sino regiones gl�teas, espero que no se te olvide.”

Vuelven a ir delante del juez y le hace la misma pregunta a lo que el cubano responde: “pues na’, que estaba esperando la huahua, esta llega, la gorda trepa, se atora y…” se voltea hacia el abogado y le pregunta: “�C�mo dices que se llama el culo de la se�ora?”

Road Marking Painter

Lempi took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed.The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet.The boss sat him down and said,” Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?”.Lempi replied, “Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can”.

The Garage Door Is Open

Noticing that her boss’s fly was open, the embarrassed secretary
told him as she was leaving the office, “Your garage door is
open.” The bewildered executive didn’t know what to think until
a co-worker told him what she was referring to.

He decided to have some fun with her. The next day, he called
his secretary into his office and said, “Yesterday when my
garage door was open, did you see a long red Cadillac with a
hard top?” “Oh no,” she replied, “It was a little pink
Volkswagen with two flat tires up front.”

A fly in my beer!

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just
as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in
each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it
over the pint, yelling… “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!”

Nude statue

Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in a beautiful park for 99 years.

On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues.

He said to them, ‘God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to make you human for a short time.’

The angel then went on to say that they would be human for 15 minutes and would finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years.

The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter.

After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had five more minutes.

The male statue quickly turned to the female statue and said:
`Cool, this time, you hold down the pigeon and I’ll shit on its head.’