Category: other

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, “Who killed Jesus Christ?” The Jewish man answered without hesitation, “The Romans killed him.” The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied “Jesus was killed by the Jews.” Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, “Could I have some time to think about it?” The chief said, “OK, but get back to me tomorrow.”

When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked “How did the interview go?”.

Pat came the reply, “Great, I got the job, and I’m already investigating a murder!”

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
‘How long before I can get a haircut?’

The barber looks around the shop and says,
‘About two hours.’

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
‘How long before I can get a haircut?’

The barber looks around at his shop full of customers and says,

‘About two hours.’

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
‘How long before I can get a haircut?’

The barber looks around the shop and says,

‘About an hour and a half.’

The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
‘Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.’

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.

The barber asks,
‘Bill, where did that guy go when he left here?’

Bill looks at him and says,
‘To your house.’

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment.Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

A young man was dumped by his girlfriend and he was so upset he moved to the country where his uncle owned a sheep farm. One weekend, the uncle left the boy alone to attend the farm himself. Early the first morning, the boy walked up, craving sex. He had not had sex in so long, since his girlfriend broke up with him. While trying figure out a way to get rid of his erection, He walked out of the house and saw the sheep in the field. Suddenly, he got a wonderful idea and started to run down to the sheep, unbuttoning his pants as he went. Then, the sheep dog cut him off, growling and barking. The dog would not let him pass and get to the sheep. The boy gave up and went about his chores. The next day, the boy woke up and tried to sneak down to the sheep. But the dog once again would not let him get rid of them. Then, the third day, the boy heard someone screaming for help. He went down to the pond and saw a beautiful women drowning in the water. He dove in and saved her life. When she caught her breath, she told him, “you saved my life. To repay you, I’ll do anything for you, anything at all.” So the boy thought for a second, noticing how beautiful the women was while thinking how horney he was. So, the man told her, “OK, if you’re sure that you’ll do anything…follow me.” He took her hand and lead her up to the farm. He took her hand, looked into her beautiful eyes and asked, “would you mind holding this dog for me?”

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when-all of a sudden-a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

“Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich. “

*** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold. “And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman. “Your third wish?” asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

“Ooh-can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: “Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”

A young reporter is out on her first assignment, a full piece story on the local Indian reservation and it’s tribe. The first day the reporter arrives and is greeted by a young Indian with one feather in his headband.

The reporter asks “What is the one feather for?”

The indian replies “One feather for one woman I sleep with.”

“Oh, ok.” replies the reporter, kind of thrown off guard by his response.

The next night at dinner the reporter meets the Chiefs son, who has 20 feathers in his headband, so the reporter asks “What are the 20 feathers for?”

“20 feathers for 20 women I sleep with.” he says.

The reporter replies “Oh, gosh! That’s a lot!”

The chiefs son says “Come, me introduce you to Chief”

So finally, the reporter is introduced to the tribes Chief and the Chief has this long flowing fancy head-dress with feathers down to the floor and dragging behind him.

The reporter must ask: “Chief, what are all the feathers for?”

The Chief says “Each feather for each woman I sleep with.”

“Oh, dear!” says the reporter.

Quickly, the Chief replies, “Deer? Deer no good, ass too high, run through bush too fast!!”

Edited by Curtis and Calamjo

Indians capture 3 people they want to kill for skin for a canoe.
An American, a Russian, and a Frenchman. The Indians ask the
Frenchman “How would you like to die?” The Frenchman said “I
want to be hung.” So the Indians hang him. They ask the Russian
“How do you want to die?” The Russian said “I want to be
poisoned.” So the Indians poison him. Then they ask the
American”How do you want to die?” The American says “I want to
be forked.” “What’s forked?” asked the Indians. “Give me and
I’ll show you.” So the American takes the fork and pounds it on
his chest saying “Screw your canoe!”

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and
next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, ”Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to
you?”
The kid said, ”Yeah.”
The cop said, ��well next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike.”

The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid took the ticket.

Before he rode off he said, ”By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there.
Did Santa bring that to you?”
Humoring the kid, the cop said, ”Yeah, he sure did.”
The kid said, ��well next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the
horse, instead of on top.”

MONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal

TUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it’s Right 9:30 No-witness News

WEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy 9:00 Judge Saddam 9:30 (edited)

THURSDAY 8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi 8:30 Achmed’s Creek 9:00 Veronica’s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses 9:30 My Two Baghdads

FRIDAY 8:00 Just Shoot Me 8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things 9:00 M*U*S*T* A*S*H 9:30 Veilwatch

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The
agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.

After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all
ye say there?”

The agent said, “Certainly ye have…Why d’ye ask?”

Replied Murphy, “Cancel the sale…’tis too good to part with.”

Have you heard about the latest Polish parachute?

It opens on impact.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Mike Tyson has retired from boxing.

In fact, he was so thoroughly beaten this weekend that today he was named an honorary member of the Detroit Pistons.