Category: blondes

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver’s window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, “Pull over!” at the top of his lungs.”No!” the blonde yelled back, “Scarf!”

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circular and tell her to pee in a corner.
How does the blonde confuse you?
She pees in a corner

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to
kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning,
put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide
on the north side of the playground.
Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to
show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough,
a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and
found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow
Blonde?”

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them
that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter
asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy!
It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are
thankful…” “Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde
the same question, “What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the
holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate
the birth of Jesus.” St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in
disgust, tells her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third
blonde and asks, “What is Easter?” The third blonde smiles confidently and looks
St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.” “Oh?” says St. Peter,
incredulously. “Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish
celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper
and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his
disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side,
made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his
hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, “Every year
the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out… and, if he sees his
shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blond are sitting in a doctors office, talking about what sex of child they are going to have.

The Brunette says “I am going to have a boy because I was on top when having sex.”

The Redhead replied “I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom while having sex.”

Then the Blond says hesterically ” Oh my God, I am going to have puppies.”

A traffic cop out on patrol for the first time stops a
Speeding sports car. Inside is an attractive young blonde
Woman. The cop asks for identification and the girl says she has no
identification on her at all. Unsure of what to do the cop radios for advice.

“Just stick your cock through the window.” he is told.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Yes, just stick your cock through the window.”

So the cop goes back to the car and sticks his cock through the window.

“Oh no!” says the blonde. “Not another breathalyzer test!”

Blondes feel they are smart.
Blondes have no clue that people talk behind their back.
Blondes can’t believe their husbands would cheat on them.
Blondes will stay with their man even after he is caught cheating.
Blondes deny that anything bad happens to them.
Blondes believe everything will workout fine.
Blondes are clueless to all reality.

If you believe the above, and all the other blondes jokes in the world to
be true. I ask you this one question, “Who is the blonde of blondes?”

Hillary Clinton.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: What was the blond psychic’s greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why is the blonde’s brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She’d just dyed her hair.
A2: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: When they’re on their backs, they’re screwed.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”

Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids…

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why don’t blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.

there was 2 blondes walking down the road when one of them saw a makeup compact she picks it up and looks in the little mirror. she just stares at it for a little while then she finally says. now i know i have seen that girl somewhere before and she hands it to the other blonde and the other blonde looks at and says well duh its me

The angry preacher…

The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!”

No one moved.

The preacher continued, ” Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!”

Again all was quiet.

Slowly a “drop dead” gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.

“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.
I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets.”

Why did the blonde have square boobs?Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!