Category: blondes

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennisball,
and seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the
pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian
crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to
him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. “What’s that?” she asked, her eyes
gleaming with lust. “Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply. “Oh,” said
the girl sympathetically, “that must be painful… I had tennis elbow
once.”

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends.

“It’s funny,” says Samantha, “Peter’s balls are always cold as ice when I’m sucking his dick.”

“You know what?” replies Jenny. “It’s exactly the same with my Richard…”

They turn to the third blonde and ask, “When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?”

“Ugh! That’s disgusting! I never put Chris’s thing in my mouth!”

“You’re crazy,” one of the blondes pipes up. “A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy. You should try it.”

She says she’ll think about it. The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner.

“Whoa!” the first blonde asks. “How did you get that black eye?” “Chris hit me when I was blowing him,” she says.

“What on earth for?” the second blonde asks. “I don’t know,” she replies. “All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how Pete’s and Richard’s are so cold.”

A blonde walks into a pharmacy before having sex.
She says to the guy behind the counter, “I’d like to buy a condom, please.”

He says, “Hey, watch your mouth!”

She says, “You’re right. better make that 2.”

what do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you.

pull the pin and throw it back.

How can you tell someone is blonde?

when they look at you!

how do you drown a blonde?
put a mirror in the bath

Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores? Open 24 hours a day.

A blond, a brunette and a redhead escape from jail and
Decide to hide in a barn. As they hear the police closing in, they climb into
the loft and hide in three empty burlap feed bags. A young officer climbed into
the loft, shined his flashlight around, and decided to check the burlap bags. He
kicked the first bag containing the brunette, and she responded with a
convincing “woof”. He kicked the second bag with the redhead inside, and she let
out a perfect cat�s meow. “Nothing up here but cats and dogs,” the officer
Responded to his superior. Deciding to be sure, he kicked the last bag, the
one containing the blonde. She yelled out “Potatoes!!!”

A blonde was with her husband shopping and she decided that they would shop in different parts of the mall.

They meet in the middle 2 hours later and she announces, “I just got kids.”

The husband stares amazed, looking at the kids he says, “Those are 2 baby goats!”

Submitted by bomberman255
Edited by Calamjo, Curtis and yisman

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde, of course?) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. “My floppy drive won’t work, can you help me ?” she asked. I told her I’d take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5″ floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive. “Oh, you mean the condom!”, she said. “Condom???”, I asked. “Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses.” By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The “condom” turned out to be a standard 3.5″ plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn’t do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be): “Does that mean I don’t have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either???”

Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?He missed.