Category: blondes

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. “Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?”The blonde turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!”

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.

While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, “Pig#1, do you know your mission?”

The pig replies, “Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink.”

Then NASA Control asks the second pig, “Pig #2, do you know your mission?”

The second pig replies, “Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth, land shuttle. Oink oink.”

Then NASA asks the blonde, “Blonde woman, do you know your mission?”

The blonde woman replies, “Ummmmmmm…. Oh yeah, I remember now. ‘Feed the pigs, and DON’T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo

What is the shortest book ever written?

“Thoughts of a Blond.”

A blonde walks into an electronics store and points to something behind the clerk.

“How much is that television set?” she asks.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” the clerk said.

So, the girl walks out. The next day, she returns wearing a brown wig. She again approaches the clerk and asks “How much is that television set behind you?”
The clerk replies, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”
Again, the girl walks out.

She again tries the next day, this time wearing a red wig. She goes up to the clerk and asks “How much is that television set behind you?”
The clerk again replies, “We don’t sell to blondes!”

Well, the girl was kind of suspicious.
She asks carefully, “How do you know I’m a blond?”
The clerk looks at the girl and says…
“Because that’s not a television, it’s a microwave!”

What is a blonde’s favorite fairy tale?Hump me, Dump Me.

there was a blonde, a brunete,and a red head. they all walked into a bar for a drink.the bar tender said,”i have a magical mirror any thing you think you are.you tell the mirror and if its true you will become it even more of what you wished for.but if not the mirror will suck you up.” so the brunet goes in and said ”i think im the prettyest girl in the world.”with that the mirror said ”you are.” so she became prettyer than everyone in the world.then the red head went in and said ”i think im the richest girl in the world.” the mirror said” you look very rich you now are the richest girl in the world.”the blonde went in and said ”i think”and with that the mirror gobbeld her up.the two girls left said ”why did the mirror swollow her up?”the man said” because she said that she thought and thats a lie.”

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?

A: Butter is difficult to spread.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, is my guest. Maybe
You�ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching
herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young
woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a
huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the
creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator
on it’s back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this
One isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

who do you kill a blond?

ancwer you put a scratch and sniff on the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”.

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.