Category: blondes

a.How duse a blond turn on the light after having sex.b.kick open the car door.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in a desert. The redhead brings a water bottle. the others said “Why did you bring that? in case I get thirsty.” The brunette brings food. The others ask,”Why did you bring that? in case I get hungrey.” Now, the blonde brought a car door. They asked “Why did you bring that?” The blonde replied” so if I get hot I can role down the window.”

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly
that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to
instryct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it, gave her the basics and sent
her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 ft., she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

After 2000 ft., she radioed again, saying how easy it was learning to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 ft., and was beginning to worry
that she hadn’t radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile
away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going
fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember
anyting after I turned off the big fan.”

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ”T-G-I-F” (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, ”S-H-I-T” (letters only).” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, ”T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ”S-H-I-T.” The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly ”T-G-I-F” another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, ”S-H-I-T.” The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, ”T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?” The man answered, ”Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”

How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?

Her tampon is behind her ear and she cannot find her pencil!!!

A woman calls a Contractor to her house to give her a bid on painting the interior of her house. She takes him into the first room and tells him that she wants it painted pale green.

The contractor writes something down on his notepad, goes over to the window and yells down “green side up”.

The homeowner takes him into the next room and tells him that she would like it painted rose colored.

The contractor again notes it on his note pad, goes over to the window and opens it. He then yells down “green side up”.

The woman was curious, but continued to show him the rest of the house.

In each room the contractor notes her color choice on his notepad and yells out the window “green side up”.

When the homeowner had completed the tour, she asked the contractor why he always yelled “green side up” when she told him her color choice, when the colors were all different.

He laughed and replied I have a crew of blondes across the street laying sod.

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

What’s a light bulb?

Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic
surgery.

The first woman says, “I need to be honest with you, I�m getting a boob job.”

The second woman says, “oh, that’s nothing, I�m thinking of having my******
bleached!”

To which the first replies, “Wow, I just can’t picture your husband as a
blonde!”

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.

While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, “Pig#1, do you know your mission?”

The pig replies, “Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink.”

Then NASA Control asks the second pig, “Pig #2, do you know your mission?”

The second pig replies, “Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth, land shuttle. Oink oink.”

Then NASA asks the blonde, “Blonde woman, do you know your mission?”

The blonde woman replies, “Ummmmmmm…. Oh yeah, I remember now. ‘Feed the pigs, and DON’T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. “Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?”The blonde turns around and says, “Yeah right! I’m not giving up this machine while I’m still winning!”