Category: blondes

Once upon a time there was a magic mirror that could tell when you were lying.
If you were, ZAP! It would suck you in and you were gone forever.

One day, an old lady, a brunette, and a blonde happened by the mirror. The old
lady looked in it and said, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.”
ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she was gone.

The brunette looked in and said, “I think I’m the most
Beautiful woman in the world.” ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she, too,
disappeared.

The blonde looked in and said, “I think. . .”
ZAP!

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: How do you plant dope?A: Bury a blonde.

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?

“Debbie…that’s cute. What did you name the other one ?”

BLONDE: “Excuse me, what time is it right now?”

WOMAN: “It’s 11:25 PM.”

BLONDE: (confused look on face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer!”

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

One night a blonde goes to a bar, but doesn’t drink. Then she walks up to a man and asks him where she lives. The man says I doen’t know.

Then she walks into her husband and asks if he will take her home? He’s says ok. Their home and they walk in and the blonde says why are you in my house? Her husband says why did you leave the house?

The blonde asks why couldn’t I leave?

Husband says because we were suposed to do it. She asks why were we suposed to do it? Because I’m your husband.

The blonde says no your not my husbands a red head.

Husband:?????????????????????????????????

Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, “You’re kidnapped, so be quiet and don’t give me any trouble.” The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads:

I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else.

She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads:

Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?

Q. how do you drown a blonde?

A.put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar. He’s going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
‘I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, arse hole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person… because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but also women in general, all in the name of humor’

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up,

‘You stay out of this mister. I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee.’

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them that in the restroom, there is a magic mirror.

If you tell the truth in front of it, you get the one thing you desire the most. But if you lie in front of it, you disappear and you can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the restroom and stands in front of the mirror.

“I think that I am the most beautiful person in this bar.” And the Redhead walks out with a brand new red car.

Then the Brunette goes into the restroom and says to the mirror,” I think Im the smartest person in this bar.” And she gets a million dollars.

Then the Blonde goes into the restroom and says to the mirror,” I think…” POOF! She disappears.