Category: blondes

Judi (a blonde) goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked
sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early
this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed
away.”

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young
girl, “Why don’t you go home for the day? We aren’t terribly
busy. You should just take the day off to relax and rest.” Judi
very calmly states, “No. I’d be better off here. I need to keep
my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. “If you need
anything, just let me know.” A few hours pass and the boss
decides to check on Judi. He looks out his office and sees her
crying hysterically.

He rushes out to her asking, “What’s so bad now? Are you going
to be okay? What’s wrong?”

Judi breaks down in tears, “I just received a horrible call from
my sister. She said that her mom died too!”

A phone company puts an ad in the paper that they are recruiting workers.
The next day, two groups of workers show up: a crew of five Italian men
and a crew of five blonde women. The company cannot decide who to give the
job to, so they give them a test. The company boss says, “Each crew will
receive a telephone pole that they must install into the ground. Whoever
is able to hammer it in first will get the job.”

Both groups agree this is fair, so off they go in the company trucks with
the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and
finally, at 5:00, the Italian crew returns. “YAY!!” They shout, “We came
back first, we get the job!!” “Good work, men,” says the boss. “However,
we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason
they’re delayed is not because of traffic, or that the truck broke down.”

“Fine, no problem,” say the men. An hour passes, two hours pass, three
hours. Finally, at 12:00 midnight, the blonde crew arrives. All of them
are flushed and breathing hard. “What happened to you? What took so long?”
Asks the boss incredulously.

“What do you mean, ‘what took so long’?? Do we get the job?” “YOU get the
job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!” “Well, of course they
were,” say the blondes. “They only put the pole in halfway!!”

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she
managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying
fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. �My God!� the trooper gasped.
�Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK
ma�am?� �Yes, officer, I�m just fine� the blonde chirped.� Well, how in the
world did this happen?� the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
�Officer, it was the strangest thing!� the blonde began. �I was driving along
this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I
swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and
there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I
Swerved to the left and there was ….�
�Uh, ma�am,� the officer said, cutting her off, �There isn�t a tree on this
road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.�

A blonde guy went to a sperm bank and joined the Christmas Club.

In December, he gets all his orgasms back.

Three women were stranded on an island. They were all friends. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other one was a blonde. The blonde woman found an antique mirror laying on the sand and showed her friends. The brunette took the mirror from the blonde and her reflection fogged up as a deep voice emerged from the mirror. “You each have one wish and one wish only,” said the mirror. The brunette asked to go home to her boyfriend. She disappeared in a blinding light. Then, the redhead asked to go home to take care of her cat. The redhead met the same fate as the brunette. Seeing that she was all alone, the blonde cried to the mirror, “I wish that my friends were here!”

one day two blondes were walking in the forest when they came upon a set of tracks one of the blondes said that it was fox tracks and the other one said it was deer tracks they were still fighting when the train hit them!!!!!!!!!

Q: Whats the similarity of a blonde and a turtle?

A: They’re both screwed when they’re on their backs.

What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q: What do you call a smart blond?A: A golden retriever.

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn’t tell them apart. So she asked her neighbor for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses.

This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbor suggested notching one of the horses’ ear.

This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbor suggested measuring the heights of the horses.

And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse!

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Nevermind, I got in the back seat by mistake.”

Why did the blonde think her French boyfriend was romantic?

Because he stuck a candle in her bellybutton and ate by candle
light.