Genie in a bottle

A blonde woman and her mother-in-law were among a group of women playing ball in the woods during a family reunion. They eventually lose the ball, so the daughter-in-law goes into the woods to find the ball they lost. While searching, she came across an oil lamp, and upon rubbing it, there appeared a genie.

The genie said, “Because you let me out of my lamp, I’ll grant you 3 wishes, though your mother-in-law whom you despise will benefit tenfold in order to keep you focused on what is truly important in life. The only way you can be truly happy is to give even greater happiness to the ones you do not like.”

He asked, “What is your first wish?”

She replied that she wanted to be the prettiest woman on earth. The genie replied that he would gladly grant her wish but that her mother-in-law will be 10 times more beautiful.

He asked, “What is your second wish?”

She asked to be the richest woman on earth. The genie said, “Okay but your mother-in-law will be 10 times richer.”

He asked, “And what is your third wish?”

She replied, “I’d like to have a mild heart attack.”

Prison Blondes

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Bow-wow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, “Potatoes”.

A Roll Of The Dice

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady wearing a huge fur coat walked in and asked if she could bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

The dealers said yes and were happy to oblige.

She then said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll feel much luckier if I take off my coat.” With that, she took off her coat and was wearing a skin-tight Wonder-woman outfit!

The men looked her up and down as she leaned over the table, rolled the dice, and yelled, “Come on baby, come on!”

She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling “YES, I WIN! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!” With that, she picked up her winnings and quickly left.

The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, “What the heck did she roll anyway?”

The second dealer answered, “I don’t know. I thought you were paying attention!”

The blond field

There was a blond woman driving on the open highway when she looked out her window and noticed another blond sitting in the middle of a field rowing a boat.
The woman driving her car then yelled at the other blond, “hey! Why are you rowing a boat with no water?” Then the blond with the boat said, “What are you talking about?” The lady in the car replied, “If I could swim, i would come out there and give you a peice of my mind!”