Category: blondes

How can you tell if a blonde has been using a computer?

The joystick is wet and theres white out on the screen!

Two blondes are walking in the forest they came to some tracks. The first one said those are dear tracks, the second one said they are moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street together when the brunette said “oh, look a dead bird!”.
The blonde looked up and said “where,where?”

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?A: Flattered.

A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex.To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.

Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his “tool of the trade”. But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the livingroom to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again.He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

What did the blonde think of the new computer?

She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get HBO

What is the difference between a blonde and a microwave?

When you put a piece of meat in the microwave it doesn’t scream!

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the door.

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.

She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do.

The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair.

She said that was too much and wasn’t there some other way to fix it.

The body man decided to have a little fun and said “Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out”

She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.

She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came over to visit.

“What are you doing!” she shrieked thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide.

“I’m blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car” explained the first blonde.

“Well silly, it’s not going to work” replied her neighbor.

“Why not”? asked the first blonde.

“Because you’ve got to roll up the windows first”

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by
shooting your finger off?”

“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest,
and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants,
I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“So then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid
$3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself
in the mouth.”

“So then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to
make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I
pulled the trigger.”

A blonde, a red head and a brunette board a double-decker bus. There are two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top of the bus available when they board.They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.A couple of hours later it’s the red head’s turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She’s clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.”What’s wrong?” the red head asks. “We’re havin’ a grand old time down below.”The blonde replies, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver.”

A blonde girl has just gotten fired. Her boss has always called
her a dumb blonde.

She is driving down the road when she sees a blonde girl in the
middle of a wheat field rowing a canoe.

She pulls over, gets on the roof of her truck, and says,� IT�S
BLONDES LIKE YOU WHO GIVE BLONDES LIKE US A BAD NAME! BUT IF I
WAS’NT SCARED OF WATER I’D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!”