Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?A: A visitor.
Category: blondes
Phone Trouble
Question:
Why cant a blonde dial 911?
Answer:
She can’t find the eleven!
Blonde in a Bar
A redhead walks into a bar. She walks up to the bartender and says, “I’d like a RW, please.”
The bartender says, “What’s a RW, might I inquire?”
“Red Wine, Duh!”
The bartender serves her her drink. A brunette walks into the bar. “I’d like a WW, please.”
“A WW is… what?”
“White Wine, Duh!”
Bartender serves her _her_ drink. In walks a blonde. “I’d like a Fifteen, please.”
“What the HELL is a fifteen?”
“Seven and seven, Duh!”
Potato
There were three girls: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They were running from the cops, when they ran to a farm and hid, the cops closely on their trail.
The brunette hid with the ducks. The redhead hid with the cows. And the blonde hid with potatoes.
The cops looked in the ducks’ pen and the brunette said, “Quack, quack, quack…”
The cops then looked into the cows’ area and the redhead said, “Moooooo…”
Finally, the cops looked in the the potato patch and the blonde said, “Potatoooooo…”
Harry Butt
There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.
She called it Harrybutt.
She had a child and named in Crack.
She lost Crack and couldn’t find him.
So she called the police and said, ” I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn’t find my crack!”
How to Busy a Blonde
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
Stranded on an island
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. They reallize their only chance of survival is to swim 500 meters to shore so the redhead tries first but only gets 200 meters and drowns. Then the brunette tries and gets 300 meters and drowns. Finally the blonde gives it a go she gets 250 meters out and says, ” O crap its too far!” then she swims back to the island.
Florida
Maggie and sarah(two blondes)were driving to Florida,they saw a sign that said “Florida Left” so the two blondes went back home.
Barking Dogs
An exhausted blonde dragged herself to the doctor’s office.”Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood,” she said.”They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.””I’m going to prescribe some sleeping pills,” said the doctor.”A few of these and your troubles will be over.””Great,” said the blonde.”I’ll try anything.”A few weeks later, the blonde returned, looking worse than ever.”Doctor, it didn’t work! I’m more tired than before!””I don’t understand how that could be,” said the doctor, shaking his head.”Those are the strongest pills on the market!””Maybe so,” said the blonde, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs, and when I finally catch one, it’s hell getting him to swallow the pill!”
Twins
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Siamese twins
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates…
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells
them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?” The blonde replies, “Oh,
that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats
turkey, and are thankful…”
“Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same
question, “What is Easter?” The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday
in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the
birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her
she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
“What is Easter?”
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know
what Easter is.” “Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously. “Easter is the
Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of
Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus
was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples.
The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to
wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his
hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large
boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that
Jesus can come out… and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more
weeks of winter.”
You can park in the handicap zone.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.