Category: blondes

Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin.

A BLONDE WAS SWERVING ALL OVER THE PLACE THE OTHER DAY, WHEN A COPPER PULLED HER OVER, HE SAID “WHY ARE YOU DRIVING SO RECKLESSLY” THE BLONDE SAID “EVERYWHERE I DRIVE THERE IS A TREE IN MY WAY” THE COPPER ANSWERED “THATS YOUR AIR FRESHENER LUV”.

One day a blond went to find a job at a orchard. He got the job
and in came his first customer. The customer asked, “How much
are these apples?” and the blond yelled, “I don’t know!” The
customer left and the boss came in and said, “When somebody asks
you that question, you say only 50 cents!”

So another customer came in and said, “How much are those
apples?” And the blonde said only 50 cents. Then the customer
asked, “Are they fresh?” and the blonde screemed, “I don’t
know!” So the customer left and the boss said, “When somebody
asks you that question you say fresh, fresh, very fresh.”

Another customer came in and said, “How much are those apples?”
And the blonde replied, “Only 50 cents!” Then the customer
asked, “Are they fresh?” And the blone said, “Fresh, fresh, very
fresh.” Then the customer asked “Can I buy them?” And the blonde
screemed, “I don’t know! I’m a new guy, get it?” So the customer
left and the boss comes in and said, “When somebody asked you
that question, you said, “If you don’t somebody else will.”

One day a robber came in and he asked, “How much money do you
have in that cash register?” And the blond replied, “Only 50
cents!” Then the robber asked, “Are you being fresh with me?”
And the blond replied, “Fresh, fresh, very fresh!” Then the
robber asked, “Can I shoot you?” And the blond replied, “If you
don’t somebody else will!”

Why didn’t the blonde make ice cubes?

She lost the recipe.

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

This blonde had a near death experience the other day.

She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn’t stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.
She started screaming, and was in great pain.

Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.

“Easy,” she replied. “He only has one eye.”

The chief was stunned. “He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!” He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

“He only has one ear,” was her answer.

“What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!” He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, “How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.”

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, “He’s wearing contact lenses.”

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn’t tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, “How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!”

“Well,” she said, “he can’t wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?”

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes
and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her
husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is at work, she
decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next
day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at
hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in
a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat
at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies,
“Yes.”

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that
not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that
she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, “FOR BEST
RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”

Q.How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree!

There were these two Canadians vacationing in Mississippi. On
the highway they pass a sign that says you are now entering
Cashinaflash. The two get into a fight about how to pronounce it
as they decide to stop for lunch.

They walk into a resteaunt and go up to the blond cashier and
say, “Before we order I want you to slowly pronounce the name of
this place.” The blond leans over the counter and says,
“Buuurrr-guurrr Kiiiinnnggg.”

A blonde American man went to Paris to a beach and saw all these
beautiful women walking around yet none of them would even look
at him. He was a pretty good looking guy so he didn’t see what
was wrong. He asked his interpreter what he was doing wrong.

The interpreter told him to get the smallest Speedo he could
find and wear it to the beach tomorrow. He got the Speedo and
wore it to the beach. Still nothing. He asked the interpreter
what else to do. The interpreter said to get a potatoe and stick
it down the Speedo. He ran down the street to the store and
bought a potato. He put it down the Speedo and went back to the
beach.

But this time people were staring at him and some laughing. He
went back to the interpreter and said, “I’ve done everything you
said, only now they’re laughing at me. Whats wrong!”.

“Sir, you were supposed to put the potato down the front of the
Speedo!”