Category: blondes

A blonde walks into a bar and has a few drinks. Right before she
goes into the bathroom she puts a cigarette behind her right
ear. Five minutes later she goes back to her seat at the bar and
the bartender asks, “Why do you have a tampon behind your right
ear?” The blonde exclaims, “TAMPON?!?!?! then where did my
cigarette go?”

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License?

A: Because she got an F in sex.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away.

The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.

She asked her why she was crying this time.

”I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!”

Submitted By Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!”

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. “Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car,” he laments, “and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”

The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. “I have to laugh when I think about it”, he chuckles. “Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece.”

“I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn’t even have a penis!”

Submitted by Frodo
Edited by Curtis

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?”

The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…”
“Wrong!, You must go to HELL” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, “What is Easter?”

The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she’s wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,

“What is Easter?”
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.” “Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously.

“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.”

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out… and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.”

A brennette, a red head, and a blonde break out of jail. They decide to hide in a next door barn. The next morning the brenette hears police car sirighns. “Quick lets hide in those baskets!” Says the bernette. So they hide. The cop is ordered to kick the first basket he does and the bernett says “Bark!” “Darn dogs.” The cop mumbles. He is ordered to kick the second basket. He does and the red head says “Meow!” “Darn cats.” the cop again mumbles. He is ordered to kick the last basket and the blonde yells “PATATOES!!!”

There were two blonds flying on an airplane, and they were
sitting there talking, when all of the sudden, they feel this
huge jolt. They look out the window, and see the farthest left
engine on fire, the captain comes over the loud speaker, and
says, “I don’t want you to panic, but I know you felt that jolt,
and I just want to let you know, that the farthest left engine
has gone out, but don’t worry, this plane is equipped to fly
with three engines. We will make it to our destination, it will
just take us an hour longer.

So the two blonds continue talking, and twenty minutes later,
they feel another big jolt, the captain comes on again, saying,
“Please don’t worry, we have lost another engine, but the plane
can handle flying like this, it will just take us three hours to
get to our stop.”

The blonds kind of look at each other, a little worried, and
then resume talking. After another few minutes, bam, they feel
another painful bump, and again, the captain comes on, “I am
sorry, but once again, one of the engines has gone out, we will
however, be able to make it but it will take five hours to get
there.”

The blonds are really worried now, and one of them says to the
other, “You realize, that if the other engine goes out, we’re
gonna be up here forever?”

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?A: Divorcee’

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Catch it, pull the pin, and throw it back!

What do you call three blondes in a freezer?

Frosted Flakes.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

there’s this blonde,she works at a police station.{that right
there tells you something is bad}one day all the police men got
a stomach virus from a special cake that the blond
maked.So,later that day as her being the only one that could
actually go outside and fight bad guys,there was a criminal that
robbed a bank down the street.the people at the bank called in
and reported it ,then the chief told the blonde to go on duty
and try to catch the bad guys.so the blond had a choice,between
a rifle,a big big gun,and a bb gun,so as being a blonde,she
chose the bb gun,anyways,she got in her cop car and raced down
the street,she passed the bank up and went to the river bank,in
other words the park,but we say river bank.so she looked
around,and nothing seemed bad,so she keep looking.2 hours later
the cheif spots her on his lunch break down at the river bank,he
said to the blonde,”what are you doing?,the criminals got
away”she replied,”but you said to get on duty so I went to the
park and found some duty to get on,oh yeah,I think you need to
put more bb’s in the gun too!”