Keep Your Seat, Please!

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.

She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchical society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” and she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, “Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m two miles past my stop already!”

Top 10 Titles for Dubya’s Biography

10.My Life,Emptier Than the Beer Cans at the Bottom of My Car
9. My Life in a 10oz Bag
8. The Things I’ve Done has President in a Couple of Lines
7. Waking Up in my Own Vomit
6. I Hate my wife more than Bin Laden plus 10 reasons why
5. I Got’s a Swivle Chair in My Office
4. Waisted Away in Margerita Vill
3. Cocaine? No it’s Carpet Cleaner!
2. Cause My Mommy Told Me So
1. My Daddy Called Me Second Best

Getting On The Bus

Ted and his wife where waiting at the bus stop with Harry, his spouse and Harry’s nine children.

At last the bus drew up, packed with poeple.

The two women, and the nine children managed to get on. but the men where left behind and had to walk.

After trotting along the road for an hour, Ted’s walking stick got on Harry’s nerves with its continual tapping.

“Why don’t you put a rubber on that stick!” Harry complained.

Ted snapped back “If you’d put a rubber on your stick, we’d have got on that blasted bus.”

An error publishing an article

From Reuters News Service:Canada’s Ottawa Citizen newspaper recently printed a recipe for Chanterelle Lemon Pasta in its food section, calling for one cup of Chanterelle mushrooms. They even provided a helpful photograph so amateur mushroom hounds could find their own growing in the wild. Unfortunately, the photograph instead showed Destroying Angels, which are deadly when eaten.

Fallen From Grace

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who
kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “if I
hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked
him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery
would say they had “fallen”.

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived,
he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest
said, “you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people
come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.” The
Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest
about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the
mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, Your wife fell
three times this week.”