Author: admin

Corny joke

Posted on by admin

One day this blonde calls her friend and says,
‘Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle and I can’t even figure out how to start it.’

Her friend asks, ‘What is it a puzzle of?’

The blonde says, ‘From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.’

Well, the friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the pieces spread all over the table.

He studies them for a moment, then studies the box.

He turns to her and says, ‘Well, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.’

She asks, ‘Oh, how come?’

He says, ‘Look, never mind, let’s just relax, have a cup of coffee and we’ll put all these cornflakes back in the box.’

Un hombre que est� en

Posted on by admin

Un hombre que est� en la recepci�n de un hotel quiere preguntarle algo al conserje; as� que se da la vuelta para acercarse al mostrador y, accidentalmente, le da un codazo en la teta a una chica que est� a su lado. Los dos se quedan cortados y el tipo atina a decir:

“Se�orita, si tiene usted el coraz�n tan tierno y blando como su pecho, s� que podr� perdonarme”.

“Si la tienes tan dura como tu codo, te espero en la habitaci�n 1221”, responde la joven.

En una fiesta, un catador

Posted on by admin

En una fiesta, un catador de bebidas lleva varias horas impresionando a su p�blico. De pronto, un aguafiestas, despu�s de haber regresado de la gasolinera con una botella, le dice al catador:

“�Puedes decirme qu� bebida es esta?”

El catador d�ndole un trago y haciendo un gesto de repugnancia, contesta:

“�Co�o, esto es gasolina!”

“Ya lo s�, �pero es con plomo o sin plomo?”

The Counselor

Posted on by admin

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a
young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to
try counseling. They had been at each other’s throat for some time and
felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s
office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

“What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long
face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began
talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5 – – 10 – – 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went
over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for
several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there
speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had
happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at
least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here every
Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Vacuum

Posted on by admin

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature”.

Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time, and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Genie on the beach

Posted on by admin

One day, a couple was walking along the beach and fighting. Then the man got mad and kicked a bottle. Out of it came a genie. The genie said “You each get 1 wish and because the man kicked the bottle, you get to make a second wish, but your wife gets the same thing as you wish for”. So the woman made her first wish. “I wish that I had 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars”. POOF!!! she got her money. then the man made his wish. “I wish for 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars”. POOF!!! he got his money. Finally, he had to make his wish for the both of them. He didn’t really like his wife so he had to make it bad for her. Hmmmm. he thought for a moment then he said. “I wish I can have sex with the prettiest woman non-stop for 50 years. POOF!!! He was in a bes, having sex with a lady – and so was his wife

Hungry Monkey

Posted on by admin

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink
and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around all over the
place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them,
then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps on the
pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey
just did?”

The guy says, “No what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” Says the
bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He eats
everything in sight. I will pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He
finishes his drink, pays his bill and leaves.

Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey
with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around
the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey
finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up
his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did
now?” He asks.

“Now what?” Responds the patron.

“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it
out and ate it!” says the barkeep.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the patron. “He still
eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that blasted cue
ball he measures everything first!”