Q: Why did cavemen drag their women back to the cave by the hair?
A: If they dragged them by the ankles, they would fill up with dirt!
Author: admin
Q: How many accountants
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
101 Dirty Nuns
There were 101 nuns in a convent. In a large meeting of all 101,
the head nun stepped up to the pedestal ready to make a major
announcement. She said, “Ahem, Ahem, my fellow nuns, I have
ghastly news for you.
Yesterday, we found evidence that one of you nuns has been
uptown having sex with the locals.” 99 nuns gasped but 1
giggled. The nun then said, “We have found the condominium that
was rented by this nun.” 99 nuns gasped but 1 giggled. She then
said, “We then found much lingerie and other ladies clothing
strung about.” 99 nuns gasped but 1 giggled. “We also found a
pack of condom, one used, and a discarded pair of boxers, but
not briefs.” 99 nuns said gaspedbut 1 giggled.
Then the head nun said, “Here’s the big one, girls! We found a
suspicious hole in the side of the bedroom of the condominium,
which we were peeking through last night!” 99 nuns giggled, but
one gasped.
Anytime four New Yorkers get
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a
bank robbery has just taken place.
Stuck
Henry’s wife comes home to find him shagging the dog in the front room.
“My God, Henry,” she screams, “I know you’ve had other women but this time you’ve gone too far!”
“You may be right,” he says, “I think I’m stuck.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
I Need a Drink
Woman walks into a bar . . . totally nude and asks the barkeep if he can serve her a drink.
He looks her up and down and says, “Well sure, but it doesn’t appear by the your appearance that you’ll be able to pay for it.”
The woman throws one leg up on a bar stool and shows what she’s got, “Will this do?” she asks.
The barkeep takes a look and responds, “Ya got anything smaller?”
3 blonds walk into a bar what do they say?…
3 blonds walk into a bar what do they say?
Nothing they dont know where they are.
Yo mama so ugly
Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested for mooning.
Grandma’s Visit
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked.
The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again.”
Slow Golf
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, “I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said: “Small world.”
West Texas Guide to Computer Lingo
“Hard Drive” – Trying to climp a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
“Keyboard” – Place to hang your truck keys.
“Window” – Place in the truck to hang your gun.
“Floppy” – When you run out of Polygrip.
“Modem” – How to get rid of your dandelions.
“ROM” – Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
“Byte” – First word in a kiss-off phrase.
“Reboot” – What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
“Network” – Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.
“Mouse” – Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
“LAN” – To borrow as in, “Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.”
“Cursor” – What some guys do when they are mad at their wives/girlfriends.
“Bit” – A wager as in “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.”
“Digital Control” – What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
“Packet” – What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
Man’s Intention
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.