A Beatle’s Computer ParodyUnix Man——–He’s a real UNIX ManSitting in his UNIX LANMaking all his UNIX .plansFor nobody.Knows the blocksize from du(1)Cares not where /dev/null goes to Isn’t he a bit like youAnd me?UNIX Man, please listen(2)My lpd(8) is missin’UNIX ManThe wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command. He’s as wise as he can beUses lex and yacc and CUNIX Man, can you help meAt all?UNIX Man, don’t worryTest with time(1), don’t hurry UNIX ManThe new kernel boots, just like you had planned. He’s a real UNIX ManSitting in his UNIX LANMaking all his UNIX .plansFor nobody …Making all his UNIX .plansFor nobody.
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tripoli!Tripoli who?Tripoli play!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tripoli!Tripoli who?Tripoli play!
Blonde Looking for a Job
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled
the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column:
SALARY EXPECTED.
”Yes.”
Intaxication…
- Intaxication
- Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was
your money to start with.
From The Washington Post’s Style Invitational competition, where
readers were asked to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
What is the thinnest book in the world?…
What is the thinnest book in the world?
– What Men Know About Women.
Aliens
What has 3 balls and comes from outer space?
ET – The extra testicle!
The Top 14 Signs Your Spy Mission is in Jeopardy
14> Due to budget cutbacks, you now carry a “Learner’s Permit to Kill.”
13> Turns out the ejector should go under the *passenger* seat.
12> You’re unsure what to make of sudden arrival of moose and squirrel.
11> 43 thumbnails of you on nudedoubleagents.com.
10> As evil henchmen pursue your Aston Martin down a winding mountain road, you suddenly realize you don’t know how to drive a stick.
9> Note found under your windshield wipers reads, “All your listening device are belong to us!”
8> No hot babe waiting for you at the airport makes you think that maybe Moscow, Texas wasn’t where you were supposed to go.
7> “Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to walk back and forth touching the squares as they light up.” (Oops! That’s a sign your mission is in “Wheel Of Fortune.”)
6> The little old guy that makes those cool gadgets got fired, and swore the company would “rue the day.”
5> Turns out your seductive secret contact is really *Matt* Hari.
4> An audible third-party snicker breaks up your phone conversation about “issile-may ans-play.”
3> Chinese officials cracked your code by blotting out the words “in bed” from the end of every sentence.
2> Shuttle launch to invade enemy space station delayed by some scrawny bald Californian demanding to go up with you.
1> After staking out that international business for weeks, all you’ve learned is that the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast isn’t served after 11.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]Things You Hear On A Football Broadcast
Things You Hear On A Football Broadcast That Sound Dirty, But Aren’t
The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
It’s a game of inches.
That hole was so big,
you could drive a truck through it.
When you get down in this area,
you gotta just start pounding it.
He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
He found his tight end.
End around.
He had to stretch to get it in.
He’s got great hands.
He blows them off (at the line).
He bangs it in.
He could go all the way.
He gets it off just in time.
He goes deep.
He found a hole and slid through it.
He pounds it in.
He beats them off (the line).
He gets penetration into the backfield.
Top 47 Reasons for women NOT To Have Sex
1. The pitter patter of little feet
2. Never let ’em see you sweat
3. Your parents might realise that you’re not 12 years old anymore
4. Naked men
5. Guilt, guilt, and GUILT
6. You might like it
7. Rhenquist, Scalia, Kennedy, Souter, Thomas
8. Paying back oral sex debts
9. Only pagans procreate
10. Castration
11. You might fall in lust or, Heaven forbid, love
12. Body hair
13. Too many lights on in the room
14. Your roommate and neighbours can’t sleep with all that screaming
15. Axl Rose
16. Since that nasty little Gulf War, there’s no money left for research and treatment of those nasty little Sexually Transmitted Diseases
17. Why bother doing it yourself? Just buy the new Prince album
18. Pennsylvania Abortion Law
19. Utah Abortion Law
20. Alabama Abortion Law
21. Taking care of the orgasm deficit
22. Yeast infections
23. Too sticky
24. Messes up your hair
25. Charley-horses
26. Bladder infections
27. Cher
28. “It’s only a cold sore”
29. Photographers with infrared cameras (remember, if it can be seen from a public place, it’s not private)
30. Hetero men who ask, “Did you come yet?”
31. SOMEBODY has to sleep in the wet spot
32. Taking off the jimmy-hat
33. In horror flicks, people having sex are always the first to be killed by axe murderers in hockey masks
34. The ever popular Eternal Damnation
35. Smegma
36. You still live with your parents
37. You love her but you’re not *in love* with her
38. Creation of sounds not meant to be emitted by the human body
39. Drooling
40. Letters to the Editor
41. Calling out the wrong name
42. Potential threat to your political aspirations (unless you’re a Kennedy)
43. Your brother gets home from school at 3:00
44. No one to have sex with
45. Carpet burn
46. Any offspring resultant from sex may end up looking like you!
47. Worse than No.46.. they could end up looking like him!
Goes-in-tight!
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
I like the open road,
I like the open road, but not the open plumbing.
What did the traffic light say when it stayed…
What did the traffic light say when it stayed on red?
“You would be red too if you had to change in front of everyone!”