what does michael jackson have in common with k-mart …. they both have little boys pants half off
Author: admin
Proud Of Daddy
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
Murphy’s Laws of Combat Operations…
- Murphy’s Laws of Combat Operations
- If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won’t walk
into it.
Will You Still Love Me This Way?
“Darling,” she whispered after they had finished making love, “Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married ?”
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, “I think so.
I’ve always been especially fond of married women.”
Nurse converse.
Several nurses on break in the Boston General cafeteria were
discussing boyfriends, past and present. Suddenly, a nurse from New
York City said, “Well, I have discovered men are all alike!”
Whereupon, a pert little nurse from Dallas laughed and slapped the
table. “Gal,” she said, “men are all Ah like, too!”
A snails pace
A snail was crossing the road when all of a sudden he got rolled by a turtle.
The next thing the snail knows he’s at the hospital, and the doctor asks him: “How did everything happened?”
The snail replied: “I don’t know, everything happened so fast.”
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
Polar bears and penguins
why dont polar bears eat penguins? because they cant take the wrapper off
Worm back in hole
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”
The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, “Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.”
The grandfather replies, “I know. That’s from your grandma.”
UNIX Man (to ‘Nowhere Man’)
A Beatle’s Computer ParodyUnix Man——–He’s a real UNIX ManSitting in his UNIX LANMaking all his UNIX .plansFor nobody.Knows the blocksize from du(1)Cares not where /dev/null goes to Isn’t he a bit like youAnd me?UNIX Man, please listen(2)My lpd(8) is missin’UNIX ManThe wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command. He’s as wise as he can beUses lex and yacc and CUNIX Man, can you help meAt all?UNIX Man, don’t worryTest with time(1), don’t hurry UNIX ManThe new kernel boots, just like you had planned. He’s a real UNIX ManSitting in his UNIX LANMaking all his UNIX .plansFor nobody …Making all his UNIX .plansFor nobody.
Cheese
What kind of cheese is not yours?
Nacho cheese:-]
Intaxication…
- Intaxication
- Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was
your money to start with.
From The Washington Post’s Style Invitational competition, where
readers were asked to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
Skiing Accident
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody’s heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The “Tell me when we’re having fun” kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.
If you’ve ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn’t help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her thing. If you’ve ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong way to set your skies so you don’t move. Yup, you got it. She had the skies positioned the wrong way.
Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without any warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out of control racing through the trees, somehow missing all of them, and on to the slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while she continued on backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual sight for the other skiers.
The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the lift, and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was she broke her arm and was unable to pull up the ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, put an end to her nude show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital.
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with a broken leg was put in a bed next to hers.
“So, how’d you break your leg?” She asked, making small talk.
“It was the darndest thing you ever saw,” he said “I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backwards out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn’t realize how far I’d moved. I fell out of the lift.”
“So how’d you break your arm?”