Author: admin

Ever Growing Penis

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When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.

While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.

The patient’s wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

“How long will he be on crutches?” she asked.

“Crutches???” the doctor asked.

“Well, yes,” the woman said “You are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”

Evening Classes

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SPRING 1998

SELF IMPROVEMENT

1100 Creative Suffering

1101 Overcoming Peace of Mind

1102 You & Your Birthmark

1103 Guilt Without Sex

1104 The Primal Shrug

1105 Ego Gratification Through Violence

1106 Moulding Your Child’s Behaviour Through Fear

1107 Dealing With Post-Realisation Depression

1108 Whine Your Way to Alienation

1109 How to Overcome Self-Doubt Through Pretence & Ostentation

1110 Body Language for Epileptics

1111 Catholics Women’s Guide to Orgasm

BUSINESS & CAREER

0001 I Made $100 in Real Estate

0002 Money Can Make You Rich

0003 Packaging & Selling Your Child

0004 Career Opportunities In El Salvador

0005 How to Profit from Your Own Body

0006 The Under-Achievers Guide to Very Small Business

0007 Tax Shelters for the Indigent

0008 Looter’s Guide to European Cities

0009 How to Land a Job in Algeria

1001 Methods of Blackmail

HOME ECONOMICS

401 Cultivating Viruses in Your Refrigerator

402 Burglar-Proof Your Home with Concrete

403 Sinus Drainage at Home

404 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy

405 Teach Your Goldfish Buddhism

406 Christianity and the art of TV Maintenance

407 How to Convert a Wheelchair into a Dune Buggy

HEALTH & FITNESS

1202 Creative Tooth Decay

1203 Exercise & Acne

1204 The Joys of Hypochondria

1205 High Fibre Sex

1206 Suicide & Your Health

1207 Skate Your Way to Regularity

1208 Biofeed & How to Stop

1209 Understanding Nudity

1210 Tap Dance Your Way to Ridicule

1211 Optional Body Functions

1212 Leprosy & Pole Vaulting- How to Avoid it

1213 Elective Surgery in the Home

1214 Over 26 – How to Tell an Orgasm from a Heart Attack

CRAFTS

1011 Self Actualisation Through Macrame

1012 How to Draw Genitalia

1013 Weaving With Body Hair

1014 Cancelled

1015 Gifts for the Senile

1016 Bonsai Your Pet

1017 Rearranging Your Hate

1018 Masochism for the Over 40’s

1019 Post-Coital Rug Making

1020 Creative Nail Clipping Arrangements

RELIGION

6660 Ritual Cookie Sacrifices

6661 Moonie Burial Rites

6662 Just Say Noah

6663 Matzoth Baking Without Perforations

6664 Advanced Hell Fire Fighting

6665 Rap & Heavy Metal Hymns

6667 Condensed Bible Study

6668 Satan and Satin

6669 —Over Subscribed —

Seductive

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A guy is working behind the bar at a downtown restaurant, when
an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous chick walks up and beckons him
with her finger.

She seductively says to him, “Hey big boy, can I please speak to
the manager?”

He thinks that she is coming on to him as she starts running her
fingers through his hair, so he says to her, “the manager is not
around at the moment, can I help you in anyway possible?”

She then gently places a couple of fingers in his mouth and lets
him start gently licking them and says to him, “well then big
boy, you can pass on a message for me to the manager. Can you
let him know that there is no toilet paper in the ladies
toilets!!”

Dogs & Computers – Same or Different?

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Favorite Food Dogs: kibbles

Computers: bits

Method used to end undesirable behavior

Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper

Computers: hit control-alt-delete

After destruction of personal property

D: dog not found

C: file not found

Favorite trick

D: roll over

C: play dead

Comic-page hero

D: Dogbert

C: Dilbert

Fun way to mess with their heads

D: peanut butter on roof of mouth

C: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive

Consequence of virus

D: replace valuable carpeting

C: replace valuable data

Widely ignored government mandate

D: leash law

C: Communications Decency Act

Waste disposal tool

D: pooper-scooper

C: uninstaller

Sensitive internal procedures

D: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional

C: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of like this once

Method of marking territory

D: lifting leg

C: “Designed for Windows 95”

Unique behavior

D: lick and drag

C: click-and-drag

Inexplicable physical feature

D: dewclaw

C: scroll lock key

Estimated lifespan

D: 12 years

C: 12 months

At end of useful life

D: euthanasia

C: tax deduction

Doctors Perks

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Dave had felt guilty all day long. No matter how hard he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he’d hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him, “Dave, don’t worry about it, you weren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Let it go!”

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, “Dave, you’re a vet….”

Some Boeing employees recently “liberated”

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Some Boeing employees recently “liberated” a life raft from one of the
747s on the company’s production line. Later, they took it for a float
on the Stilliguamish river. Imagine their surprise when a Coast Guard
helicopter “rescued” them after homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated. Not surprisingly, they no
longer work at Boeing.

Ma and Pa

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Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma.

Ma said, “What was that for?”

Pa said, “For forty years of bad sex.”

Ma said, “Oh,” and continued rocking.

Ma reached over and slapped Pa.

Pa said, “What was that for?”

Ma said, “For knowing the difference.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown