An African American walk in to the store with a gun for hold up! He ask only for $25 money for gas and a can of coke, the cashier went and got the African American guy some real coke and some food stamps. He say thanks, this is what I wanted but just don’t think you sell drugs behind the counter! If I know, I don’t have to explained at the beginning!
Author: goofyguy620
Q: How many rec.humor.funny
Q: How many rec.humor.funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They’re all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Classified Ad:…
Classified Ad:
Snow Blower For Sale….
Only Used On Snowy Days
90 year old wanker
What do you call a 90-year-old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle whip!
Men are like…..bananas
Men are like…..Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Yellow Dick
A man goes to the Doctor 4 a routine checkup and the doctor asks
him to take off his clothes and sit on the bed. When the man
sits on the bed the doctor notices that his penis is a strange
yellowy colour.
“Did you know that your penis is yellow?” asked the Doctor.
“No I didn’t,” replied the man.
“What have you been eating or doing in the past 24 hours?”
“Well all I’ve done is eaten cheetos and watched pornos.”
muffin man
~~~~~so theres 2 muffins in an oven, on muffin says
“damn, it’s hot as hell in here” and the other muffin goes,
“AAH! A TALKING MUFFIN!!”~~~~~
wasn’t that the funnies joke u ever heard? laugh!
I SAID LAUGH DAMMIT! LAUGH!
Not me Sarge!
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”
The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”
Cocaine is nature’s way of
Cocaine is nature’s way of telling you you have too much money.
Women’s Love
There once was a man who went on an expidition and he found something. It
said “Rub Me” so he did. Out popped a genie. The genie said to the man, “I
will grant you one wish.” The guy said, “I thought I get 3 wishes?” The
genie said, “No. One take it or leave it!” The guy said, “I’LL TAKE IT,
I’LL TAKE IT!!”
So the guy takes it and says, “I am afraid of flying so I want you to
build me a Freeway from my house to Hawaii.” The genie says, “Are you
nuts!!!”
So the guy thinks and says, “Ok — Ok.” So the guy thinks for a little
while and he finally come up with a wish for the genie. The guy says, “I
want to learn all about women. How they think? How come they keep dumping
me? And how I can make they love me so I can keep them?” So the genie
thinks and thinks and thinks and finally the genie says to the man…..
“Did you want that freeway with 2 lanes or 4???”
Facelift
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. “Well,” says the doctor, “I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up.”
“Oh, no.” the woman replies. “I want it all done in one shot. I don’t wan to have to come back.”
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, “There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear.”
“That’s what I want!” exclaims the lady. “Let’s do that.”
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. “Well, how’s the procedure holding up?” the doctor asks.
“Terrible!” the lady bellows. “It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
“What’s wrong?” asks the doctor.
“Just look at these bags under my eyes!” she hollers.
“Lady,” the doctor retorts, “those aren’t bags, those are your breasts. And if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!”
President Clinton
President Clinton was about to go on national tv for a speech. One of his aids
rushed up to him and ask, “Do you know you have a pair of panties tied around
your upper arm?”
The President replied, “Yes, that is my patch. I’m trying to quit!”