Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His. Valuation: Just Because It’s Not Important to You . . . Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.
Author: admin
Who needs women
A man walks into the bar and orders 2 shots of whiskey and the man drinks one and pours the other shot in his hand, the man did this 3 times before the bartender finally asks him —-why is it you drink 1 shot and pour the other in your hand.
The man replies, I’m getting my girl friend drunk!
Postcards from Honeymoon
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their
sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a
postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex
felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the
wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at
first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: “Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased
for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: “Benson & Hedges.” Mom now knew to
go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson & Hedges pack: “Extra Long. King Size.” She was again
slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom
waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still
nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: “British
Airways.” Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine,
flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found
the ad for the airline. The ad said: “Three times a day, seven
days a week, both ways.” Mom fainted.
felling sick
ok this guy was eating this gurl out and he sow a pea and he was
like what is this and she said nutin keep going..
so he keeps on going and then he finds a carrot and he was like
what is this and she said again nuttin keep going….
so he keeps on eating her out and he finds a piece of beef and
he said what is this bitch and she said nuttin and he said no he
said are you fucking sick so something she said no my last
boyfriend was………
Un d�a en clases de
Un d�a en clases de educaci�n para la salud, la maestra le pregunta a Jaimito, “�qu� medicamento es bueno para la diarrea?”
Jaimito muy seguro responde: “El brandy maestra.”
La maestra asombrada le dice, “Jaimito, el brandy es una bebida alcoholica y no es un medicamento.”
Jaimito le dice: “�s�, pero mi mam� le dice a mi pap� todas las noches, toma
brandy a ver si se te para esa mierda!”
Un hombre muy seguro de
Un hombre muy seguro de s� mismo entra a un Bar y se sienta enseguida de una mujer muy atractiva. El hombre la ve despistadamente y mira su reloj por un momento. La chica nota esto y le pregunta:
“�Tu chica no lleg� a tiempo?”
“No”, contesta �l. “Simplemente que acabo de comprar este reloj muy sofisticado.”
“�Sofisticado? �Qu� tiene de especial?”, dice la chica.
“Pues ver�s, este reloj se comunica telep�ticamente conmigo a trav�s de rayos Alfa.”
“�Y qu� es lo que te dice ahora?”
“Pues me dice que t� no est�s vistiendo ropa interior.”
La mujer sonri�ndose le dice: “Pues tal vez tu reloj no funciona porque s� visto ropa interior.”
El hombre le contesta: “�Cabr�n! Se me hace que este pinche reloj anda adelantado una hora.”
The Pig
Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend’s door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, “Fred, how’d that pig get him a wooden leg?”
“Well Michael, that’s a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin’, went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!”
“And the boar tore up his leg?”
“No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin’ like he was stuck, woke us up, and ‘fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved ’em all!”
“So that’s when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?”
“No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out ‘fore I drownded. Sure did save my life.”
“And that was when he hurt his leg?”
“Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too.”
“OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?”
“Well”, the farmer tells him, “Shit, when you have a Pig like THAT, you’re not gonna eat all at once!”
insane test
insane test:
http://kornyhiv-insane.cjb.net
Magic
One day Belinda was walking down the road when she saw a yellow frog crying.
She asked him, “What is wrong?”
He said, “I just want to be green like the other frogs.”
So she did some magic and he turned green, but when he looked down his dick was still yellow.
She said that she couldn’t do any more magic and he’d have to go see the Wizard.
As she kept going, she saw a pink elephant that was crying.
She asked him, “What is wrong?”
“He said, “I want to be gray.”
So she did some magic and turned him gray.
When he looked down his dick was still pink so she told him to go see the Wizard.
He asked, “How do you get there?”
She said, “Follow the yellow dick toad. Follow the yellow dick toad.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Then their was this fellow who loved his wife’s…
Then their was this fellow who loved his wife’s butt so much, that he
was constantly telling her what Beautiful Buns she had.
He would come home from work and compliment her on her Beautiful Buns; as
she was doing the dishes he would expound on the virtues of her Beautiful
Buns; even at church, he would lean over over and whisper to her what he
wanted to do with those Beautiful Buns.
When his birthday arrived, the wife wanted to do something really
special, she decided to have the words “Beautiful Buns” tatooed to her
butt.
She went down to the tatoo parlor, but they said it would cost $500. This
being a bit more than he was prepared to spend, she asked what she could
get for $50.
After a bit of discussion they decided that for $50 the guy
would tatoo just a “B” and a “B” on each cheek.
That evening when her husband walked in the door, she immediatly turned
around, dropped her pants, and said “Happy Birthday!”
Her husband said “Who the hell is Bob?”
How many frat guys does it take to screw in…
How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him
down off the keg.
What’s the difference…
Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says “spit out that gum” and a train says “choo choo choo!”