yo mama so ugly when she comes out everybody run.
Author: admin
Un matrimonio de gays decidi�
Un matrimonio de gays decidi� que quer�an tener un hijo. Contrataron a una mujer para que les engendre la criatura. Unieron sus espermas, los mezclaron bien y la mujer fue artificialmente inseminada.
A los nueve meses los llamaron del Hospital para decirles que acababa de nacer un varoncito. Corrieron llenos de alegr�a al Hospital. Al llegar los llevaron a una sala donde hab�a como treinta beb�s todos gritando y llorando, menos uno. Hab�a uno pl�cido y sonriente. La sorpresa se la llevaron cuando la enfermera les indic� que ese era su beb�.
“Pero que beb� tan bueno, tan alegre!” exclama uno de los maricas.
La enfermera responde:
“Es cierto… �pero no vayan a sacarle el chupete del culo porque se pone como loco!”
Spending His Last Days
How Bill Clinton is spending his last days in office…
�Bitch Slapping Al Gore every time he blabs about restoring “dignity” and
“integrity�.
�Showing George W. Bush around the White House and introducing him to his new
employees.
�Getting drunk and then bragging how he convinced America that oral sex didn’t
count as sex.
�Planting hidden web cams throughout White House for his new 24-hour reality
website.
�Apartment hunting in NYC just in case Hillary isn’t joking about “getting her
groove back�.
�Surfing EBAY in attempt to get Lewinsky’s stained dress back.
�Helping Hillary on her campaign so he’ll get the new house all to himself and
make up for all those lost bong hits.
�At George W. Bush’s request: cleaning the stains under his desk.
Any horizontal surface is soon
Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
Leftover nuts never match leftover
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
Chasing the Fire Engine
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.
Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.
In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine,
“If that’s the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!”
Black Sheep
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!One day, the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. “You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what has been going on!”The missionary replies: “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence – what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”The chief pauses for a moment then says, “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white child.”
God was an Engineer
Three engineering students were discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It had to be a mechanical engineer, look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it had to be an electrical engineer, the nervous system is just a marvel of millions of electrical connections.”
The third said, “Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational area?”
You might be a Republican if…
You’ve ever said the phrase, “Civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties”.
Sew tht Button
Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house
exclaiming, “Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that’s come
off of me fly? I canna button me pants. “
“Oh Angus … I’ve got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs
and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it.”
About 5 minutes later there’s a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of
yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.
Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose
comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, “My god,
what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?”
“Aye,” says Angus. “I asked her to sew on the wee button an she
did. Everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off
the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in… “
Q: How many rec.humor
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying “I got it”, one to post in saying “Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays”, one to post in saying “Our news software hasn’t been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?”, one to post in quoting everything so far and the words “Me too”, two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with “I don’t get it. Isn’t this the place for FUNNY jokes ?”, one to post in after two months “What’s this lightbulb joke you’re all talking about ?”, one to repost it a month later thinking it’s a new joke, one to post “I didn’t get it. What’s the punchline ?”, one to post “Has anyone got a list of these? I’m starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes”, and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by “Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ?” and accompanied by all of our old favourites like “How many programmers…? None that’s a hardware problem.”, three to ask, a month later, “What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?”, and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.
A Birthday Celebrati
“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a group of young people. “Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!”He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, “And tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!””Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”