Author: admin

Bush says stupid things:

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‘Are you with us, or are you with the puffins?’ December 23, 2002

“The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for
entrepreneur.”

“So what state is Wales in?”

“The important question is, How many hands have I shacked?”
“This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It’s what you do when
you run for president. You gotta preserve.” Speaking during “Perseverance Month”
at Fairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles
Times, Jan. 28, 2000.
“The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.”
“Today we are in London, England. Tomorrow we are off to Genoa, Salami.”

“Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because
it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.”

“Anyway, I’m so thankful, and so gracious – I’m gracious that my brother Jeb
is concerned about the hemisphere as well.” – June 4, 2001

“They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it’s some
kind of federal program.”

“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”

“I do know I’m ready for the job. And, if not, that’s just the way it goes.”

“I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It’s pretty close to California.
In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.”

“Laura and I really don’t realize how bright our children is sometimes”

“This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot.”

“I’ve coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically.”

“I’m running for President because I’m running for President”

“We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like
to be liked yourself.” – At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the
Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000
“I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for
predecessors as well.” – Jan. 29, 2001.
“And there’s no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will
fail.” – to labor department employees, Oct. 4, 2001.

Horable Smelling Tob

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A salsman receved a call from his boss informing him he had an appontment with a competitor 150 miles away, and he only had two and a half hours to get there, and that he would be there for three days. his wife was always complaning that he never took her with him, so he calld and told her to pack a bag and be ready he would be there in ten minutes to pick her up he had no time to wast so to meet him at the curb,he stopped she jumped in off thay went, therty minutes down the road she told him she had to stop some where that she had diarrhea and had to stop, but I cant stop I cant be late, so thay rode a while longer once agan she said I have to go now” so he told her to roll down the window and to stick her butt out the window he could not stop for eaney thing after a minute or two she dropet her paints and stuck her butt out the window just as she let go there was two hitch hickers beside the road SPLAT” first hitch hicker wiping his face off, said wow what awful smelling tobaco, second hitch hicker wiping his face said ya” and did you see the Jaws” on that Berded Basterd when He spit?

Two holy Hindu men

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One day two Hindu holy men went down to the river to pray to
their god. One of the men was modest and one of them was greedy.
Upon arriving at the river, the modest man prayed
“Oh great god, I wish to have one of my eyes removed for all
the sins I have committed.”
Then the greedy man approached the river, and thought that the
modest one had asked for something special. So to get the better
of the modest one, he said,
“God, could I have twice whatever he’s having.”

I think I know tou

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Ma and Pa are driving down the interstate and they get pulled over by a trooper. He walkes to the door and says “I pulled you over for driving to slow” Ma says WHAT DID HE SAY PA? He said were driving to slow ma. Let me see your liscence sir. What did he say pa? Ma he wants to see my drivers liscence! Pa gave it to him and the trooper says “hell I had a girlfriend from the same town your from, Worst head job I ever had” What did he say pa? Ma he says he THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!!!!

Back Seat Driver

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A driver is stopped by a police officer.
The driver asks, “What’s the problem officer?”

Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”

Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.”

Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!”

Wife: “Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.” (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt.”

Man: “Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”

Wife: “Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt.”

The man turns to his wife and yells, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”

The Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

The wife says, “No, only when he’s drunk.”

Which Secretary To Hire?

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An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy. “Well,” thought the manager, “I’ll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep.”

To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had placed $100 in each bag; thus the honesty test.)

The first secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50 and returns the extra $50 to the manager.

The second secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks the full $100, and returns with a deposit slip as proof.

The third secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50, goes to the local TAB and uses the $50 to win $300, then returns, explains to the manager and gives him the all the money.

Question: Which secretary does the manager select to retain?
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Answer: Well, DUH!…The one with the biggest breasts!

Dumb drunk

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A guy walks into a bar and he orders a whiskey. He sits down and just before
he takes a sip of his whiskey a guy runs in and says, �Bill! Your house burnt
down!�

So he runs outside but then he thinks, �I don’t have a house.� So he goes back
into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey.

Another guy runs in and says, �Bill! Your dad died!�

And so he runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways but
then thinks, �I don’t have a dad�.

So he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey when another
guy runs in and says, �Bill! You won the lottery!�

So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank but then
thinks, �My name’s not Bill.�