Category: other

what is Michael Jackson’s favorite university?Bringem Young

A man goes into a bank and walks up to the cashier’s desk. “Nice
tits love, I want to open a fucking bank account,” he says.

“I beg your pardon?” replies the cashier. “Listen you dumb
bitch,” he says, “I want to open a fucking bank account!” “I’m
sorry sir,” she says, her bottom lip starting to quiver. “I
can’t help you if you’re going to talk to me like that.” And
with that she leaves her window, walks over to the bank manager
and whispers in his ear. The two return to the window and the
manager asks stiffly, “What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no fucking problem,” the man insists. “I just won 10
million on the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking bank
account!” “I see sir,” the manager quickly replies. “And this
bitch is giving you a hard time, is she?”

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an Altar Boy!

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Lame Joke Alert…

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Fuck her.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order from there.”

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him.

The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. “Ahh, yes that’s what I’ll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

“Sir, remember ? I’m the blind man.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognise you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.”

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells great, I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, “Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.”

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

“Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.”

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says,

“Hey! I didn’t know that Mary worked here!”

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered “It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD.”The drunk promptly fainted.The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

At his wedding reception, the young groom’s grandad congratulated his grandson and said: “The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage, is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other’s wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma’s and mine has.”Thanking him for his advice, the grandson said: “What’s sex like then when you get older, granddad?”His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and said: “Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!”

How do you get a Nun pregnant?

Dress her up as a choir boy!

A man comes home from work and walks in his house. Now on top of a really bad day he comes to see his wife in a towel and his bed extreamly messed up. He suspects his wife is cheating on him. The man walked into his room where a naked an stand in hiss balconey. Her husband now in an up roar pushes the naked man out the balconey door.

The husband stomping on the mans hands trying to make him drop. Finally he fell into a great thing of bushes. But he handt died. So the husband took the fridge and threw it out the window. Unfortunately the cord wrapped around the mans ankle and died as well.

The he meets up with god and he says that heaven is full. But “god said” if you tell me the how you died and how bad it was then i will let you in.
The Husband agrees to his offer. The husbands began to explain, well on top of a bad day at work i come home to my wife cheating on me and the man was hanging out my balconey window so i threw the fridge on him and the cord wrapped around my ankle and i died.

God said well that sounds like a really bad day you can go on in.

A second guy comes and god offers him the same. He agrees and begins to tell his story. Well i was doing my daily arobics naked as i always do then i triped and landed on some guys balconey. Then this guy starts cusing at me saying i screwed his wife. I fell out his window and landed in some bushes, but then from no where the man threw a fridge at me and i died.

God replied wow what a horrible day,you can go in.

Then a third guy comes and god offers the same offer he gave the others. The guy agrees and begins to tell his story.

The man begins ” well i was in this fridge…..

En octubre en Per� hab�a un mono que a cada rato se pajeaba. Un d�a pas� una chica y se excit� como mierda; se agarr� el pene y lo empez� a mover como un tren.

Al otro d�a pas� una chica guap�sima y el mono se paje� como otra vez del mismo modo.

Al tercer d�a encuentran al monito muerto y le preguntan a un se�or que estaba al lado por qu� hab�a muerto, y el se�or responde:

“Es que pas� por aqu� la procesi�n…”

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Al asked.
“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”
“Are you really sure?” Al asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated.
“We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!”

QUESTION

WHAT DO BIG BLACK GIRLS AN PAKADERMS HAVE IN COMMON TOP TO BOTTOM

ANSWER

THE TWO SHARE TWO SETS OF BIG ASS LIPS TOP AND BOTTOM

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. He asks the first nun Sister Karen have you ever had any contact with a penis???The nun giggles and replies, Well, once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St Peter says OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate.St Peter asks the next nun the same question Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis.. The nun is a little reluctant but reply’s Well I once fondled and stroked one..St Peter says, OK dip your hand in the holy water and pass through the gate… All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns. One nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says Sister, Sister what seems to be the problem??The nun reply’s If I’m going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!!!