Category: other

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, “Whenever it breaks.”

Mother: “Why are you home from school so early?”Son: “I was the only one who could answer a question.”Mother: “Oh, really? What was the question?”Son: “Who threw the eraser at the teacher”

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

– Your dog is gone and your homework is done.

Un ni�o todos los dias molestaba a otro dici�ndole:

“Oye, Pedro �conoces a Juan?”

A lo que el otro le respond�a:

“�Qu� Juan?”

Y el primer ni�o con una soberbia carcajada le dec�a:

“Ag�rrame los huevos que se me van.”

Esto pas� por varios d�as hasta que el ni�o le dijo a su mam� que as� lo molestaban y la mam� le dijo:

“La pr�xima vez que te lo encuentres tu le dices as�: le preguntas por un tal Ernesto y cuando te diga �qu� Ernesto? tu le dices Ag�rrame estos…”

Y al otro d�a el ni�o va contento porque se iba a desquitar y se encuentra al ni�o que lo molestaba y le dice:

“Oye, �y tu conoces a Ernesto?”

Y el ni�o m�s abusado le dice:

“Ah s�, el primo de Juan…”

“�Qu� Juan?”

A father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.

“For gods sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!”

“I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down.

“As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

You so fat that when you hop into a racecar and go on mega speed you loose 5000 pounds!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year-phase in plan that would be known as ‘EuroEnglish’:In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favor of the ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with the ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20 percent shorter.In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’ in the language is disgraceful, and it should go away.By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaning ‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?””Yep,” the husband replied, “Inlaws.”

what is Michael Jackson’s favorite university?Bringem Young

A man goes into a bank and walks up to the cashier’s desk. “Nice
tits love, I want to open a fucking bank account,” he says.

“I beg your pardon?” replies the cashier. “Listen you dumb
bitch,” he says, “I want to open a fucking bank account!” “I’m
sorry sir,” she says, her bottom lip starting to quiver. “I
can’t help you if you’re going to talk to me like that.” And
with that she leaves her window, walks over to the bank manager
and whispers in his ear. The two return to the window and the
manager asks stiffly, “What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no fucking problem,” the man insists. “I just won 10
million on the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking bank
account!” “I see sir,” the manager quickly replies. “And this
bitch is giving you a hard time, is she?”

Lleg� una vez un enano a la peluquer�a. Faltando poco para terminar, el peluquero le dice:

“Se�or, �le corto las patillas?”

Y el enano enfurecido le responde:

“�Y en qu� me voy?, �en las huevillas?”

Dos mujeres conversan en un caf�.

“�Qu� tal, Mar�a, en tu matrimonio?”

“Bueno, normal, mi marido ronca mucho y dormimos en cuartos separados”.

“�Y c�mo hac�is el amor?”

“Cuando a �l le apetece me silba y yo voy a su cuarto”.

“�Y si te apetece a ti, qu� haces?”

“Pues salgo al pasillo y pregunto: Amor, �has silbado, verdad?”