Category: other

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn’t have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a ‘for sale’ sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

“Well, it’s quite simple, really,” says the seller, “whenever the bike is outside and it’s going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.”

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, “I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.”

“When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.”

“No problem,” he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. “She’s got a great body,” he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, “All right, thats enough, I’ll do the fucking dishes!”

Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis, yisman and Calamjo

Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
A: The one that’s labeled “IDAHO”

Warning – Please DO NOT look at the bottom of the page before you answer
ALL the questions

1) What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as
intercourse?

2) What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3) What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long,
has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

4) What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

5) What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can’t
get one you can use your hands?

6) What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

7) What is it that all men have one of; it’s longer on some men than on
others; the pope doesn’t use his; and a man gives it to his wife after
they’re married?

PLEASE SEE THE ANSWER

ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (fork)
6. (Almond Joy candy bar)
7. (last name)

What is the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomanic and a
Jewish American Princess?

A prositute says “Are you done yet?”

A nymphomanic says “You’re done already!!”

A Jewish American Princess says “Beige,…..I think I’ll
paint the ceiling beige”

What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?

– “Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?”

Next time you have an “I hate my job” day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer
section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by “Johnson and
Johnson.” Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone
so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your
bed.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside
table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement: “Every rectal
thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested.”
Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: “I am so glad I do not
work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company.”
Have a great week, and remember, there is always someone who has a worse job
than you have!

A woman was shopping in a furniture store for a new mattress. As she bent over to examine the tenth mattress she had considered, she suddenly let out a horrendous fart.”Excuse me,” she said, embarrassed, to the clerk who was helping her.”Heck, I’m used to it, lady,” he said.”When you see the price on that one, your gonna shit!”

What do you call a lesbian with a strong, long tongue?

answer: talented & available

Seven year old John had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said.”I had John here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

A pompous clergyman was seated next to an overbearing attorney on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The attorney asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The attendant then asked, “The minister if he would also like a drink.”

The minister replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips.”

The attorney then handed his drink back to the attendant and told her with delight, “I didn’t know there was a choice.”

En el catecismo, la consejera le pregunta a Pepito:

“�Qui�n fue la madre de Mois�s?”

“La hija del Fara�n”, contesta Pepito de inmediato.

“Te equivocas”, le dice la catequista, “ella tan s�lo lo encontr� en el Nilo, flotando en una canastita y lo adopt�”.

“�Usted tambi�n se va a creer el cuento que invent� ella?”, replica Pepito.