Category: other

Q: What do you call a group of blacks in a barn?

A: old antique farm equipment

Q: How do you get a black down from a tree?

A: cut the rope

Q: what do you call a black priest?

A: holy shit

Is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?

Why is Tigger always so dirty? Because he plays with Pooh!

Here’s what the heck they mean in the Lone Star State…

• The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody driving = Not too smart
• As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party = An unwelcome person
• Tighter than bark on a tree = Stingy
• Big hat, no cattle = All talk, no action
• We’ve howdied but we ain’t shook yet = We’ve met, but haven’t been formally introduced
• He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow = He thinks his s#%! doesn’t stink
• She’s got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth = She’s a talker
• It’s so dry the trees are bribin’ the dogs = Rain would be nice
• Just because a chicken has wings doesn’t mean it can fly = Appearances can be deceiving
• This ain’t my first rodeo = I’ve been around the block
• He looks like the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch = U-G-L-Y
• They ate supper before they said grace = They’re living in sin
• Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope = Stop arguing and do as you’re told
• As full of wind as a corn-eating horse = A braggart
• You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn’t make them biscuits = You can say whatever you want, but that doesn’t change a thing

A guy shows up at the emergency room with a golf club wrapped around his head.The doctor asks the guy how this came to be… “I was playing at that new course out in the country. Because of the only bad tee shot I’ve made in my life, my ball ended up in the cow pasture. While I was out there looking for it, some fat broad hit her ball into the same place.””So we’re both out there searching, and she’s swearing like she just invented it and beating the hell out of the forage with her club. I find a ball. She claims it’s hers, and we end up continuing to search for the other one while she bitches and I listen. Finally, I know I’ve looked everywhere except where some real cows are standing.” “So I pick up the cows’ feet one by one, but there’s no ball under a cow. Now there’s only one other chance. I lift up the biggest cow’s tail, and sure as hell, there’s a golf ball! When I turned to the fat broad, the ball fell out. I pointed under the tail and said ‘Does that look like yours?'”

little miss druggy
sat in her buggy
smokin an ounce of weed
along cam a spider sat down beside her
and sold her a kilo of speed

one day a boy wanted $5 dolars from his dad. the dad said no unless u can make ur dick touch ur ass. the boy tried but said no. the next day he trained to make his dick touch his ass but couldnt do it. the next day the boy somehow found $5 and use it on a lottery ticket. he won $100,000,000. his dad lost all his money due to 1 reason. he was training to make his nipples become boobs. the dad said to the boy can i have some money. can ur dick touch ur ass and woah!wat the hell are those!! said the boy boobs said dad. later he said yes and showed him how to make his dick touch his ass. the boy said FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

His parents had just moved to town, and it was his first day in first
grade at the new school. He was really nervous, but he didn’t do so badly,
he learned to count to ’50’, when most of the other kids could
only count to 30, (some kids got to 35, but our boy got all the way to 50
and only missed a couple of numbers)

Our hero was so excited, that when he got home he told his dad
how well he had done in school. His dad said “Son, you did so well
becuase you’re an [ethnic].”

The next day the kids learned the alphabet in school. Most of th ekids got
as far as ‘M’ or ‘Q’, but our hero got all the way to ‘Z’, and only missed
a couple of letters.

That evening, bursting with pride, he told his dad how he had done better
than all the other students
on the alphabet. His dad said “Son, you did so well
becuase you’re an [ethnic].”

The next day, in gym class, our hero notced that he was a bit more
“developed” than any of the other boys. That night he asked his dad
if was bigger than the other boys because he was an [ethnic]?

“No, son,” his dad told him, “You’re bigger than the other boy becuase
you’re eighteen.”

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. “How could you do this!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know,” she wailed, “I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, ‘Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'”

“Well,” the pastor persisted, “You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, “Get behind me, Satan!”

“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said “It looks great from back here, too!”

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.

“Young lady,” the doctor began, “you’re pregnant.”

“But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.”

“Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is cockeyed.”

Los padres de Pepito notaron que el ni�o ten�a el pene muy peque�o para su edad y fueron a consultar a un m�dico. El doctor examina a Pepito y concluye:

“No es nada serio, pero para que el pene crezca m�s r�pido, deben darle al ni�o bacalao frito todos los d�as en el desayuno”.

Al d�a siguiente, Pepito entra en la cocina y ve un mont�n de bacalao frito en la mesa. La mam� le advierte:

“Pepito, toma dos pedacitos de arriba y deja el resto para tu papi”.