Category: other

A young man was dumped by his girlfriend and he was so upset he moved to the country where his uncle owned a sheep farm. One weekend, the uncle left the boy alone to attend the farm himself. Early the first morning, the boy walked up, craving sex. He had not had sex in so long, since his girlfriend broke up with him. While trying figure out a way to get rid of his erection, He walked out of the house and saw the sheep in the field. Suddenly, he got a wonderful idea and started to run down to the sheep, unbuttoning his pants as he went. Then, the sheep dog cut him off, growling and barking. The dog would not let him pass and get to the sheep. The boy gave up and went about his chores. The next day, the boy woke up and tried to sneak down to the sheep. But the dog once again would not let him get rid of them. Then, the third day, the boy heard someone screaming for help. He went down to the pond and saw a beautiful women drowning in the water. He dove in and saved her life. When she caught her breath, she told him, “you saved my life. To repay you, I’ll do anything for you, anything at all.” So the boy thought for a second, noticing how beautiful the women was while thinking how horney he was. So, the man told her, “OK, if you’re sure that you’ll do anything…follow me.” He took her hand and lead her up to the farm. He took her hand, looked into her beautiful eyes and asked, “would you mind holding this dog for me?”

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when-all of a sudden-a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

“Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich. “

*** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold. “And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman. “Your third wish?” asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

“Ooh-can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: “Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”

Why is Stevie Wonder always Smiling?

Because he doesn’t know he’s black

A COLLEGE professor wrote the words:

“A woman without her man is nothing” on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Punctuation….powerful tool.

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, “Who killed Jesus Christ?” The Jewish man answered without hesitation, “The Romans killed him.” The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied “Jesus was killed by the Jews.” Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, “Could I have some time to think about it?” The chief said, “OK, but get back to me tomorrow.”

When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked “How did the interview go?”.

Pat came the reply, “Great, I got the job, and I’m already investigating a murder!”

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The
agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.

After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all
ye say there?”

The agent said, “Certainly ye have…Why d’ye ask?”

Replied Murphy, “Cancel the sale…’tis too good to part with.”

Have you heard about the latest Polish parachute?

It opens on impact.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Mike Tyson has retired from boxing.

In fact, he was so thoroughly beaten this weekend that today he was named an honorary member of the Detroit Pistons.

Bueno: Tu hija encontr� trabajo.

Malo: De prostituta.

Peor: Sus clientes son tus compa�eros de trabajo.

P�simo: Ella gana mas que t�.

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”, asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say…. LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!!”

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”The giant nodded.”If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.”Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.””In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”

A young reporter is out on her first assignment, a full piece story on the local Indian reservation and it’s tribe. The first day the reporter arrives and is greeted by a young Indian with one feather in his headband.

The reporter asks “What is the one feather for?”

The indian replies “One feather for one woman I sleep with.”

“Oh, ok.” replies the reporter, kind of thrown off guard by his response.

The next night at dinner the reporter meets the Chiefs son, who has 20 feathers in his headband, so the reporter asks “What are the 20 feathers for?”

“20 feathers for 20 women I sleep with.” he says.

The reporter replies “Oh, gosh! That’s a lot!”

The chiefs son says “Come, me introduce you to Chief”

So finally, the reporter is introduced to the tribes Chief and the Chief has this long flowing fancy head-dress with feathers down to the floor and dragging behind him.

The reporter must ask: “Chief, what are all the feathers for?”

The Chief says “Each feather for each woman I sleep with.”

“Oh, dear!” says the reporter.

Quickly, the Chief replies, “Deer? Deer no good, ass too high, run through bush too fast!!”

Edited by Curtis and Calamjo