Category: other

Johnny loved his new trainset. His mother could leave him for
hours at a time while she did things around the house without
him to bother her.

One day, while she was cooking dinner, she over heard Johnny.
Everytime the train would pass the station, she would hear him
say “All those that want to get off, get the fuck off, All of
you that want to get on, get the fuck on.”

Highly disturbed by this, she raced into the room where Johnny
was playing. “Young man”, she said “march up to your room and
think about what I’ve told you about that kind of language.”

So up to his room he goes.

Two hours later, he comes back down and sits down by his
trainset. The train goes around a couple of times and he
proceedes to say “All those who want to get off, get the fuck
off, all those who want to get on, get the fuck on, all those
who are pissed off about the two hour delay, talk to the bitch
in the kitchen.

A stoner walks into a 7-11 and asks the clerk, “Got any weed?”

The clerk responds, “Hell no, you damn stoner.”

The next day the stoner returns he asks the clerk, “Got any weed?”

The clerk outraged, smashes the stoners head on the counter and says, “Look you stoner, if you come in here and ask if I got weed one more time I will nail your feet to the floor.”

So.. the next the day the stoner walks in and asks the clerk, “Got any nails?”

The clerk says, “No.”

So the stoner asks, “Got any weed?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

Un loco llega a la oficina del manicomio a quejarse:

“Buenas, vengo porque mi compa�ero de cuarto no me deja dormir”.

“�Por qu�?, le pregunta el secretario.

“Tiene complejo de motocicleta”.

“�Y qu� es lo que le molesta, el ruido que �l hace?”

“No, lo que me molesta es el humo”.

What’s better then 4 roses on a piano?tulips on an organ!

Two Irishmen looking for work saw a sign which read

‘TREE FELLERS WANTED’.

“Oh, now, look at that,” said Paddy, “What a pity there’s only de two of us!”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo

John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.”Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?””Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn.”You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.””He’s an idiot,” John said.”Piss on him.””You did”, came the reply.”And he fired you.””Well, screw him!” said John. “I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”

In the battle between the US and the Taliban, there are two widely used weapons:The M1A1 Tank,The afghani battle donkey.

Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long
run.

Q: How do you know if the person next to you is not dead?
A: If they are breathing, fucking moron.

So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife’s tits and says, “If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows.”

He grabs her butt and says, “If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens.”

The wife grabs the farmer’s dick and says, “And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother.”

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for a week but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring high above the Rocky Mountains.””So be it,” said St. Peter, and “POOF,” the first priest is gone.The second Priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this new action on Earth ‘count’ on my Heavenly tally?””No, son, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing this time around.””In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud!””So be it,” said St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.A week goes by, the computer is fixed and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any difficulty locating them?” He asks.”The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles but the second one could prove to be more difficult.””Why?” asks the Lord.”Near as I can tell, he’s on a snow tire, somewhere in a North Dakota blizzard.”

What do u call a million paces surrounding the can
tower……………………………..
PUBLIC HAIR.