Category: other

A guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown Cleveland
and says to the assistant: “Could you please show me your Barbie
dolls? My daughter’s birthday is today and I have to get
something she will love!”
She says, “Certainly, sir. Here, we have:

*Fashion Barbie @ $15.95
*Vacation Barbie @ $15.95
*Housewife Barbie @ $15.95 and
*Divorcee Barbie @ $215.95!”

The guy asks in astonishment,”Why is “Divorcee Barbie so much?
She looks the same to me.”

The assistant answers, “Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes
complete with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s golf clubs, his
season tickets to the Tribe and the Browns, his Gold MasterCard,
his yacht and his summer home.”

Estaba una pareja caminando por el centro de la ciudad cuando de repente el esposo ve al ginec�logo de su esposa.

El ginec�logo saluda nada m�s al esposo, as� que �ste confundido le dice:

“Oiga, �qu� no se acuerda de mi esposa? Esta es mi esposa.

Y el ginec�logo le responde:

“Ah disculpe, lo que pasa es que yo no me fijo en las caras de mis pacientes…”

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country
and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring “Run….run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and
roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run ya bastard, r-run will ya!”
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his
knowledge of the game, screams: “R-r-run ya bastard, r-r-run will ya!”
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk.
The Scotsman stands up yelling: “R-r-run ya Bastard, r-r-run!” All the
surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan,
sensing his embarrassment whispers, “He doesn’t have to run, he got four balls.”

“Walk with pr-r-ride man!”

What’s hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet in the middle, starts with a “C” and ends with a “T”?

A coconut.

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man.

“We don’t have any money for food.”, The poor man replied.

“Oh, come along with me then.”

“But sir, I have a wife with two children!”

“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.

“But sir, I have a wife with six children!”

The second man answered. “Bring them as well!”

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The rich man replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about two metres tall!”

What’s better then 4 roses on a piano?tulips on an organ!

Two Irishmen looking for work saw a sign which read

‘TREE FELLERS WANTED’.

“Oh, now, look at that,” said Paddy, “What a pity there’s only de two of us!”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo

A very attractive, well dressed, woman walks into a shop that
sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and finds
the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to feel the texture of the rug, she farts
loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if
anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a salesperson
doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a salesman.
“Good day Miss, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, how much does this rug costs?”

He answers, “Lady, if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna
shit your pants when you hear what the price is!”

How do you get a hundred cows in a barn?
You hang up a bingo sign!

there were three guys in an airplane. One was an army guy, the other was a priest, and the other one was a weight lifter. The plane was falling, so the pilot asked them each to throw something off. the army guy threw off a grenade, the priest threw off a bible, and the weight lifter threw off a weight. The plane was still falling so they all jumped off. The three of them were walking when they saw an old lady crying. They asked her why she was crying and she said she got hit in the head with a weight. they all left feeling sorry. Then they saw a man crying. they asked him why he was crying and he said he got hit in the head with a bible. this time they felt a little worried, but nonetheless they kept walking. this time they saw a little kid laughing really hard. they asked him why he was laughing, and he said he farted and his house blew up.

Judi goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about
all his employees well being asked sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” To
which the blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my
mother had passed away.” The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to
the young girl. “Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy
just take the day off to relax and rest.” Judi very calmly states, “No.. I’d be
better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of
doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual… “If you
need anything just let me know.” A few hours pass and the boss decides to check
on Judi. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes out
to her asking, “What’s so bad now? Are you going to be ok? What’s wrong?” Judi
breaks down in tears, “I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said
that *her* mom died too!!”