Category: blondes

A blonde walks into a building and says rather loudly “CAN I HAVE A PORTION OF CHIPS AND A COUPLE OF SAUSAGES PLEASE?”The woman behind the counter looks puzzled and then says “I’m sorry madam, this is a library!”The blonde seems rather embarrassed and replies in a whisper “sorry, may I have portion of chips and a couple of sausages please!”

one day a brunite was doing cartwheels in the middle of the road saying 21 21 and a blonde comes along and says can I try,the brunite replys”sure””.So the blonde starts doing cartwheels in the road and along comes a semitruck and hits the blonde.Then the brunite starts doing cartwheels again this time saying 22 22
22.

“

There was a blonde, sitting in a rowboat, out in the middle of a huge field. She kept screaming “HELP.”

Another blonde happen to be driving by in her car and heard the first blonde yelling for help, so she pulled over to the side of the road to see what was wrong.

She yelled to the blonde sitting in the boat and asked her what was wrong.

The blonde in the boat replied, “I lost the oars and don’t know how to get out of here. Can you help me?”

The second blonde replied, “I would but I can’t swim!”

The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, ‘I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!’

There where 3 guys on a building a blonde,red head,burnett blonde guy pulls out his lunch and says if i get pb&j one more time im going to jump off this building red head pulls out his lunch and says if i get tuna again i will jump off burnett pull out his lunch and says if i get tacos one more time im with you 2 next day blonde pulls out pb&j and jumps other 2 puii somthin else out they go to his funerl and said if he gets pb&j one more time he going to jump the wife says dont look at me he packed his own lunch.

A blonde is at home trying to put a puzzle together but she finds that the peices don’t fit, she calls her husband at work and expresses her frustration, he says that when he comes home he will help her.
a Few hours later he comes home at looks at his wife, and he says……….honney, put the cornflakes back in the box

There were three female explorers who decided that they would go explore the African jungle together. One blonde, one brunnette and one redhead.

They were near the middle of the jungle when a rare African tribe surrounded them. The tribe said that the gods have sent them evil things and the explorers shall be destroyed. The tribe was going to shoot them with a bow and arrow in the head one at a time.

First they were going to shoot at the brunnette. She stepped up and they called, “1-2-3”, but before they could shoot she yelled, “TORNADO!”, and everyone ducked and lay down on the ground and the brunnette ran way while they ducked. The tribe got mad and swore but did not go after her.

Then the redneck stepped up and they aimed and yelled, “1-2-3”, but before they could shoot she screeched, “FLOOD!”, and everyone jumped and climbed up the nearest tree. The redhead took advantage and ran away. They got really mad and swore but did not go after her, as they didn’t like people yelling fake incidents.

Then the blonde stepped up and she thought that yelling a mother nature disaster was a good idea. They yelled, “1-2-3”, and the blonde yelled, “FIRE!”

One day a blonde walked into a cafe and went up to a vending machine and put 50p in the machine and out come a can of lemonade and she did this for 15 minutes then a man who was very thirsty and he was waiting for the blonde to finish gettin her drink so the man waited and soon he had enough and he said to the blonde “are you going to be long” then the blonde replied “not now im winning”

Two men,one a brunette and the other a blonde,were comparing their luck picking up girls at the beach. The brunette guy says, “what works for me is this : go to a grocery store, buy a potato and put it in your swim trunk.” The blonde guy thanks him and spends the next 5 hours roaming the beach with a potato in his swim trunks – with no luck. He says to his brunette friend that he DID put a potato in his swim trunks and had no luck. The brunette guy says to the blonde guy, “you ass-hole! The potato goes in the FRONT of your trunks, not the back!!!”

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcrop on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn’t happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.The blondes applauded.

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

A blonde girl goes into a hair salon and she’s wearing earphones connected to her walkman.

She tells the hair stylist to cut her hair but NOT to take off her earphones. He had to cut around it. But, he thought it would look really stupid if he didn’t cut under her earphones so he picked them up and lifted them slightly.

Suddenly, she fell to the ground, dead. The hair stylist picked up the ear phones to see what she had been listening to and a recorded voice was saying “Breathe In, Breathe Out. Breathe In, Breathe Out.”