Category: blondes

Three bronzed Alaskan blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding
fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them,
taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your
fishing licenses.”

“We don’t have any.” replied the first blonde.

“Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses.” said the Game
Warden.

“But officer,” replied the second blonde, “We aren’t fishing. We all have
magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of
the river.”

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe
magnets tied on the end of each line.

“Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game warden, “Take all the
debris you want.” And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started
laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the
other two, “Doesn’t he know that there are steelhead in this river?!”

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

A brunette and two blondes are locals at this Irish pub down the
street. Every Friday, the three girls go and drown their sorrows
in a drink.
One evening, at the bar, the brunette drops down dead, face flat
on the table. When the police arrive, they begin to interview the
two blondes, “How did this happen?”
“We don’t know,” replies a blonde.
“Well how long have you known your friend?” the police ask.
“For a while” a blonde replies.
“Do you know of any illnesses? Or anything irregular or
different about your friend?” the police inquire.
“Oh I know!” shouts the other blonde, “she has two assholes!”
Confused the police ask “How do you know that?”
The blonde answers, “Well whenever we enter the bar, the
bartender says ‘here comes that brunette with the two assholes.'”

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

A brunette who really hates blondes is walking in the forest when all of a sudden she says a magic lamp on the ground. She says to herself,”It always works in the movies,” and so proceeds to pick up and rub the lamp. A genie immediately emerges from the spout and says,”I will grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, all the blondes in the world will receive double the amount you receive. Do you understand?” “Yes I understand,” says the brunette, “and for my first wish, I want you to give my an incredibly handsome man.” “Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 incredibly handsome men?” asks the genie. The brunette replies yes and so an incredibly handsome man pops up beside her. “For my second wish,” saya the pleased brunette, “I want you to give me 1 million dollars.” “Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 million dollars?” inquires the genie. The brunette replies yes and a large pile of money pops up on her other side. Growing even more excited the brunette says calmly, “Lastly – you see that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it.”

There was a blond, a brunet, and a red head waiting to get shot for their wrong doing. When the brunet was about to be shot she yelled tornado. Everyone looked back and she ran away. When the red head was about to be shot she yelled huricane. Everyone looked back and she ran away. When the blond was about to be shot she yelled fire, and they shot her.

A child comes to her blonde mother and he says to her:

Child: Do you know how death a blonde?

The mother sees him with a funny smile and say: I don`t know….

The Child : You place a mirror in the ground of the pool.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

New paint store just opened up by my place, so I decided as any red-blooded, sexually repressed young lad to pay it a visit.

When I went in I saw signs all over advertising the newest color: “Natural Blonde”. There weren’t any samples around, so I asked the clerk to describe it to me.

He replied, “Natural Blonde? Wonderful new paint: not too bright, but spreads easily!”

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself “Oh, well !” and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”. By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

One time a blonde was really hot so she said to the brunette.. Can we go to the sun to cool off? And the brunette said no because that will just burn us up.. And the blonde said so at least i will be tan.

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, “What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis