Category: blondes

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde’s ass? A: A brain tumor.

A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”

The policeman says, “Well, uh, thats because the picture shows his profile.”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”

The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmm, the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file.”

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspects file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I cant believe it. It’s true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.

She was soooo blonde… she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. she sold the car for gas money. she studied for a blood test and failed. she thought a quarterback was a refund. she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. she thought Taco Bell was where you pay your phone bill. she told
me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK”. she tried to alphabetize M&M’s. she tried to drown a fish. she wrote “Capricorn” on the application where it said, “sign here”.

A blonde was telling her priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, “Don’t you know I’m Polish?””Oh, I’m sorry,” the blonde apologizes, “do you want me to start over and talk slower?”

What is the easiest way to kill a blonde??

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!

There were once two red heads and one blonde stuck at the edge
of a cliff. At the tip there was a genie’s bottle. The genie
said he would grant them one wish each.

The first red head jumped off and said I wish I was a bird than
flew away. The next red head said I wish I was a bee then flew
away. When the clumsy blonde went to jump off before she went
she said “I wish I was a…” then she tripped and said “Shit!”
And she turned into a piece of poop.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

What do blonds have in common with turtles?

When their on there backs their screwed.

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car
and asks the blonde for her license.
”You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the
next day you ask me to show it.”

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:

Blonde #1: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!”

Blonde #2: “Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!”

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, ”I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York.” Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blonde replies, ”I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York.” The captain doesn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde’s ear. She immediately gets up, says, ”Thank you so much.” hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, ”I just told her that the first class section isn’t going to New York.”