Category: blondes

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: A blonde won’t accept a 3.5″ floppy.

A blonde was driving in her car when she was pulled over by a police officer. The officer put his penis up against the glass and she looked at it and said “Not another breathalizer test”.

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turns to the girl and in a demanding and angry voice says, “Okay now, tell me. Who’s the other father?”

A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Blonde says, “I want my $20 million.” The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.” The Blonde said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.” Again, the man explain that she would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Blonde, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back right now!”–Submitted by pump67

A blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk.”Look! There’s a dead bird!!” the brunette exclaimed.The blonde jerks her head upwards and studied the cloudless blue sky. “Where?!?!” she asked.

A blonde bought a new car, then she and her friend goes shopping a for a few hours. Well finally when they’re done shopping they go back to there car. When they get there they realize that they have locked the keys in the car. So they try picking the lock and a whole bunch of other things. After an hour or so the blondes friend Susan(also a blonde) says “Ok we’re going to have to just break the window.” and the other blonde says “Ok.” They break the window and start to drive.

About five minutes later the blonde who owns the car says “Hey Susan it looks like its going to rain – will you put the top up?”

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the
high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and
catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the
swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young
woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a
huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the
creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in
amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and
frustrated, shouts out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
Because they can’t get their head in the jar.

A brunette was walking on the railroad tracks saying,
“21… 21…. 21….” when a blonde jumped on.
A train came and the brunette jumped off…the train hit the blonde.

The Brunette then got back onto the tracks and started saying, “22…..22……22…..”

Blonde Medical Terminology

Anally — occurring yearly
Artery — study of paintings
Bacteria — back door of cafeteria
Barium — what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel — letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section — district in Rome
Cat scan — searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — sheep dog
Coma — a punctuation mark
Congenital — friendly
D&C — where Washington is
Diarrhea — journal of daily events
Dilate — to live long
Enema — not a friend
Fester — quicker
Fibula — a small lie
Genital — non-Jewish
G.I. Series — soldiers’ ball game
Grippe — suitcase
Hangnail — coathook
Impotent — distinguished, well known
Intense pain — torture in a teepee
Labour pain — got hurt at work
Medical staff — doctor’s cane
Morbid — higher offer
Nitrate — cheaper than day rate
Node — was aware of
Outpatient — person who had fainted
Pap smear — fatherhood test
Pelvis — cousin of Elvis
Post operative — letter carrier
Protein — favouring young people
Rectum — damn near killed ’em
Recovery room — place to do upholstery
Rheumatic — amorous
Scar — rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion — hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — study of knighthood
Tablet — small table
Terminal illness — sickness at airport
Tibia — country in North Africa
Tumour — an extra pair
Urine — opposite of you’re out
Varicose — located nearby
Vein — conceited

There are a bunch of blondes in a bar and they are having a good time. One of the blondes suddenly shouts out “Drinks on me!!” Surprised, the bartender asks “What is the occasion?” The blonde replies, “We completed a puzzle in four weeks and is says on the box ‘5-6 years.'”

There are a blonde brunette and a redhead on the top of a building. They all are eating sandwiches. The brunette has a ham and cheese sandwich. The redhead has a turkey with mustard sandwich. And the blonde has a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. They all make a bet that if their mom’s pack them the same sandwiches then they will jump off they building. The next day they are at the top of the building. The brunette has a ham and cheese sandwich. So she jumped off the building. The redhead had a turkey and mustard sandwich so she also jumped off the building.The blonde had a PB&J sandwich so she also jumped off the building. At the funeral the red heads Mom goes “I shouldn’t have packed her a turkey and mustard sandwich.The brunets Mom goes, “I should have packed her something else!” The blondes Mom goes, ” I shouldn’t have let her pack her own lunch!”