Author: admin

Una mujer acompa�a a su marido a la consulta del m�dico. Despu�s del chequeo, el galeno llama a solas a la mujer a su despacho y le expone:

“Tu marido tiene una enfermedad muy grave combinada con un estr�s horrible. Si no haces lo siguiente, sin duda morir�: cada ma�ana prep�rale un desayuno saludable. Se amable y aseg�rate de que est� siempre de buen humor. Prep�rale para la comida algo que le alimente bien y que pueda llevar al trabajo. Y cuando vuelva a casa m�s tarde, una cena especial. No le agobies con tareas, ya que esto podr�a aumentar su estr�s. No hables de tus problemas ni discutas con �l, s�lo agravar�s su estr�s. Intenta que se relaje por las noches utilizando ropa interior sexy y d�ndole muchos masajes. An�male a que vea algo de deportes en la televisi�n. Y, lo m�s importante, haz el amor con �l varias veces a la semana y satisface todos sus caprichos sexuales. Si puedes hacer esto durante los pr�ximos diez o doce meses, creo que tu marido recuperar� su salud completamente”.

De camino a casa, el marido pregunta a la mujer:

“�Qu� te dijo el m�dico?”

“Que te vas a morir”.

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.”

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.”

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, “Doc, I feel great. What should I do?”

The doctor says, “Stop wiping with cement bags.”

You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free.”
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe “Shallow gene pool” should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
When you mention “Vegetables” you’re not talking about a food group.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would “Never DREAM” of doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says “I have a great idea I’d like to discuss. I think it would be such fun.”
You want to choke a person when he or she says “Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you.”
Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers the question “Why is this kid like this?”