Yours Fun Portal !
Selma, an elderly Jewish lady was leaving the garment district to go home from
work. Suddenly a man who had been walking towards her, stood in front of
her, blocked her path, opened up his raincoat and flashed her.
Unruffled she took a look and said, “This you call a lining?”
How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don’t know. When the light goes on they all scatter.
Most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate(“desperados”) at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as …Sinko de Mayo.
Hello Lips,Tits and Ass!
I’ve heard of the Clintons being referred to as Billary, combining Bill and Hillary. Well, why not switch it around and say “Hillbilly”… Hey! That fits all too well. And please I mean no offense to the President. Or her husband.
The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation.
After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.
Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: “Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress.”
His friend was quick to wire back: “Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11:30 a.m. “
“How long have you known about us?”
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo
There was a little boy and he was failing math. He had never had
a good grade in it and on his last report card he had an F so
his parents decided to send him to a Catholic school.
The first day he came on walked through the kitchen got a class
of water and went to his room to study not saying a word to
either of his parents. The second day he did the same thing
again. This went on for about two months. He got his report card
and came home got a glass of water laid his report card on the
table and went to his room to study. His mom was starting to get
worried so she opened his report card and sure enough he had
achieved an A in Math.
She was very concerned as to why he could do it now but he
didn’t study when he was in regular school, so she went upstairs
to his room and ask him. “Son I see you got an A in Math. Was it
the discipline?” “No,” he said. “Was it the nuns?” “No,” he
said. “Well, what was it then?” she ask. The boy replied back,
“Well the first day I went to that school and saw that boy they
had nailed to the plus sign. . .I was gonna get an A.”
10.My Life,Emptier Than the Beer Cans at the Bottom of My Car
9. My Life in a 10oz Bag
8. The Things I’ve Done has President in a Couple of Lines
7. Waking Up in my Own Vomit
6. I Hate my wife more than Bin Laden plus 10 reasons why
5. I Got’s a Swivle Chair in My Office
4. Waisted Away in Margerita Vill
3. Cocaine? No it’s Carpet Cleaner!
2. Cause My Mommy Told Me So
1. My Daddy Called Me Second Best
your so ugly your aiudrilHUilHGLahdlfigaljkhlijhg;iaudhgiadhfgi;adh
You’re so ugly that I’d rather look at a camel’s butt than you!
My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She’s very
lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Rome!Rome who?Rome is where the heart is!