Fallen From Grace

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who
kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “if I
hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked
him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery
would say they had “fallen”.

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived,
he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest
said, “you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people
come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.” The
Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest
about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the
mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, Your wife fell
three times this week.”

Top 10 Titles for Dubya’s Biography

10.My Life,Emptier Than the Beer Cans at the Bottom of My Car
9. My Life in a 10oz Bag
8. The Things I’ve Done has President in a Couple of Lines
7. Waking Up in my Own Vomit
6. I Hate my wife more than Bin Laden plus 10 reasons why
5. I Got’s a Swivle Chair in My Office
4. Waisted Away in Margerita Vill
3. Cocaine? No it’s Carpet Cleaner!
2. Cause My Mommy Told Me So
1. My Daddy Called Me Second Best

An error publishing an article

From Reuters News Service:Canada’s Ottawa Citizen newspaper recently printed a recipe for Chanterelle Lemon Pasta in its food section, calling for one cup of Chanterelle mushrooms. They even provided a helpful photograph so amateur mushroom hounds could find their own growing in the wild. Unfortunately, the photograph instead showed Destroying Angels, which are deadly when eaten.

Top 10 Reasons to Know You’re a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife’s birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You’ve used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.